1 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:03,792 We are family 2 00:02:05,297 --> 00:02:07,959 I got all my sisters with me 3 00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:11,633 We are family 4 00:02:13,472 --> 00:02:16,134 Get up,everybody,and sing 5 00:02:17,476 --> 00:02:19,808 We are family 6 00:02:21,313 --> 00:02:24,146 I got all my sisters with me 7 00:02:25,817 --> 00:02:29,309 Agador,where is Starina? She goes on in 5 minutes. 8 00:02:29,588 --> 00:02:32,250 Get up,everybody,and sing 9 00:02:34,659 --> 00:02:37,992 Everyone can see we're together 10 00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:41,492 As we walk on by 11 00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:46,330 And we fly just like birds of a feather 12 00:02:46,671 --> 00:02:49,162 I won't tell no lie 13 00:02:50,509 --> 00:02:54,673 All of the people around us they say 14 00:02:55,013 --> 00:02:57,174 Can they be that close 15 00:02:57,682 --> 00:03:00,674 Let me state for the record 16 00:03:01,686 --> 00:03:04,849 We're giving love in a family dose 17 00:03:41,393 --> 00:03:42,553 Armand. 18 00:03:42,794 --> 00:03:44,785 The Kennedys are here again for supper. 19 00:03:44,863 --> 00:03:46,888 Third time this week. Do we pick up their tab? 20 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,023 Ted? 21 00:03:48,099 --> 00:03:50,067 No,just the younger ones. 22 00:03:50,735 --> 00:03:53,397 Wish we'd get Ted. Give them free coffee. 23 00:03:57,576 --> 00:03:59,510 Leave room for coffee. 24 00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:05,405 Where's Starina? 25 00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:08,346 Agador said she'd be down in five. 26 00:04:09,754 --> 00:04:12,086 We are family 27 00:04:13,758 --> 00:04:16,420 Get up,everybody,and sing 28 00:04:17,596 --> 00:04:19,928 We are family 29 00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:51,125 Starina won't go on. She's still in her robe. 30 00:04:51,396 --> 00:04:52,226 Damn! 31 00:04:52,464 --> 00:04:54,295 I don't know what happened. 32 00:04:54,566 --> 00:04:58,229 Go upstairs. Try to get her ready. I'll be right up. Go! 33 00:04:58,470 --> 00:04:59,801 She won't. 34 00:04:59,971 --> 00:05:04,067 Merde! Have Carmen get ready to do Starina's number,just in case. 35 00:05:09,648 --> 00:05:12,481 Honey,please. You got to get dressed for me. Please! 36 00:05:12,751 --> 00:05:13,911 No,Agador. 37 00:05:14,152 --> 00:05:18,213 Victoria Page will not dance the Dance of the Red Shoes tonight. 38 00:05:18,290 --> 00:05:19,621 Or any other night. 39 00:05:19,691 --> 00:05:21,852 How about just your stockings? Okay? 40 00:05:22,093 --> 00:05:24,084 Victoria Page is dead. 41 00:05:24,329 --> 00:05:26,490 Watch how nice I'm gonna put it for you. 42 00:05:26,564 --> 00:05:28,031 You know how she died? 43 00:05:28,099 --> 00:05:31,591 Alone... weeping for her lover. 44 00:05:32,504 --> 00:05:34,597 Darling,have you eaten? You look haggard. 45 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:37,501 Please! You got to help me a little. 46 00:05:37,842 --> 00:05:40,003 -What is this? -Supplements. 47 00:05:40,278 --> 00:05:43,611 I bought them for Armand,but... 48 00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:46,347 that's all over now. 49 00:05:46,851 --> 00:05:48,182 Okay. 50 00:05:56,795 --> 00:05:57,955 Albert! 51 00:06:00,231 --> 00:06:02,461 Where are you? Albert,come on! 52 00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:04,760 -Open up,baby. -Get out! 53 00:06:04,969 --> 00:06:07,437 -Open it,Albert! -Go away! 54 00:06:07,539 --> 00:06:10,030 I don't want him to see me. I'm hideous! 55 00:06:16,147 --> 00:06:17,307 Fuck! 56 00:06:17,482 --> 00:06:18,972 I'm calling 911! 57 00:06:19,217 --> 00:06:20,775 Abre la puerta! 58 00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:25,779 -Open the door! -I'm trying,but he's crazy. 59 00:06:25,857 --> 00:06:26,789 Albert! 60 00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:30,885 Are you trying to ruin me? 61 00:06:31,162 --> 00:06:33,323 Don't look at me. I'm hideous! 62 00:06:33,565 --> 00:06:36,227 Hideous! Fat and hideous. 63 00:06:36,568 --> 00:06:38,559 Agador,I'm in such pain. 64 00:06:38,903 --> 00:06:41,394 I know,honey. It's gonna pass. 65 00:06:41,740 --> 00:06:44,231 No! It will never pass. I hate my life. 66 00:06:44,509 --> 00:06:45,999 Are you crazy? 67 00:06:46,077 --> 00:06:47,806 There is a packed house out there. 68 00:06:47,879 --> 00:06:50,279 That's all I am to you-- a meal ticket. 69 00:06:50,348 --> 00:06:52,908 -I can't stand this. -Forget about my feelings. 70 00:06:52,984 --> 00:06:56,681 Never mind about my suffering. It's just about your show. 71 00:06:56,755 --> 00:06:59,087 Not even our show. Your show. 72 00:06:59,424 --> 00:07:02,188 I want a palimony agreement. Now! 73 00:07:02,427 --> 00:07:05,260 I don't have one on me now. Is tomorrow all right? 74 00:07:05,597 --> 00:07:07,861 -Don't use that tone to me. -What tone? 75 00:07:08,032 --> 00:07:10,398 That sarcastic,contemptuous tone that means... 76 00:07:10,468 --> 00:07:12,459 you know everything because you're a man... 77 00:07:12,537 --> 00:07:14,528 and I know nothing because I'm a woman. 78 00:07:14,606 --> 00:07:17,598 -You're not a woman. -Oh,you bastard! 79 00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:21,201 Everybody,take it easy. 80 00:07:21,446 --> 00:07:23,607 Whatever I am,he made me. 81 00:07:23,882 --> 00:07:27,374 I was adorable once-- young and full of hope. 82 00:07:27,619 --> 00:07:31,111 Now,look at me. I'm this short... 83 00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:35,382 fat,insecure, middle-aged thing! 84 00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:36,958 I made you short? 85 00:07:39,597 --> 00:07:42,088 What do I do? The number is nearly over. 86 00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:43,600 Do I send Carmen on? 87 00:07:44,903 --> 00:07:46,632 We have no choice. 88 00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:48,695 -Yes. -No! Not Carmen! 89 00:07:48,773 --> 00:07:50,104 How dare you? 90 00:07:50,175 --> 00:07:51,665 -Do it! -No! No! 91 00:07:51,743 --> 00:07:53,734 -Cyril,go. -Please. 92 00:07:53,978 --> 00:07:57,470 I will go on. The people have come to see Starina. 93 00:07:57,749 --> 00:08:00,650 Starina will not disappoint them, even in this state. 94 00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:02,413 Put on the mambo number. 95 00:08:02,487 --> 00:08:05,820 Tell Beatrice and Dante to get the staircase ready. Go! 96 00:08:05,990 --> 00:08:07,924 -My hands are shaking. -That's okay. 97 00:08:07,992 --> 00:08:10,426 Agador,I need some Pirin tablets. Quickly! 98 00:08:10,495 --> 00:08:12,486 -What are you taking? -Nothing. 99 00:08:12,597 --> 00:08:15,760 Just one,okay? One before the show... 100 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,332 and one after. No more,so don't ask. 101 00:08:18,603 --> 00:08:20,434 Thank you,my darling Agador. 102 00:08:20,672 --> 00:08:23,334 I'm gonna put this here for you. 103 00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:25,836 Breathe. Ignore the bad things. 104 00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:30,342 This room is so crowded. Can I have a moment to myself to prepare? 105 00:08:30,682 --> 00:08:32,673 Let's leave her. Come on. 106 00:08:38,389 --> 00:08:40,380 -What are you doing? -What? 107 00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:43,120 Why are you giving him drugs? What the hell are Pirin tablets? 108 00:08:43,194 --> 00:08:45,856 It's aspirin with the 'a' and's' scraped off. 109 00:08:46,197 --> 00:08:48,859 -What a brilliant idea. -I know. 110 00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:54,866 I don't believe it. You're shaving your chest now? 111 00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:57,037 I didn't have time to wax. 112 00:08:59,377 --> 00:09:02,540 Indifference is the most awful thing in the world. 113 00:09:03,047 --> 00:09:07,313 I've done everything I could to make myself attractive for you. 114 00:09:07,719 --> 00:09:11,883 I've lost and gained over a hundred pounds in the last year. 115 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:16,884 I've yo-yoed from a 16 to a 10 to a 16... 116 00:09:17,228 --> 00:09:19,560 and you've never said a word. 117 00:09:19,898 --> 00:09:24,892 Not one hint of encouragement. Not one scrap of validation. 118 00:09:25,570 --> 00:09:29,233 If not for the Pirin tablets, I don't think I could go on. 119 00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,832 If you don't finish making up, I'm going to kill myself. 120 00:09:34,012 --> 00:09:35,843 You don't love me anymore. 121 00:09:35,914 --> 00:09:37,404 Oh,shit. 122 00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:39,609 -There's a man in your life. -What? 123 00:09:39,684 --> 00:09:41,015 I sense it. 124 00:09:41,185 --> 00:09:44,018 And I saw a bottle of white wine... 125 00:09:44,255 --> 00:09:46,246 chilling in the refrigerator. 126 00:09:47,091 --> 00:09:48,752 I only drink red. 127 00:09:49,093 --> 00:09:50,685 And so do you. 128 00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:56,697 There's no man. 129 00:09:57,435 --> 00:10:00,199 I'm switching to white because red has tannins. 130 00:10:00,772 --> 00:10:05,266 Now there are 150 people out there, half of them Kennedys,waiting for you. 131 00:10:05,610 --> 00:10:09,102 Waiting to applaud you. To applaud the great Starina. 132 00:10:09,447 --> 00:10:10,778 Tannins! 133 00:10:11,449 --> 00:10:14,213 -What do you do while I'm onstage? -Nothing. I lie here. 134 00:10:14,285 --> 00:10:19,382 Where do you go while I'm killing myself onstage? I know that look. 135 00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:21,952 Go ahead,hit me. Go on. 136 00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:24,955 That's what you want to do. Do it. Hit me. 137 00:10:25,129 --> 00:10:26,960 Go on,hit me. 138 00:10:56,995 --> 00:10:57,984 Ladies and gentlemen... 139 00:10:58,496 --> 00:11:00,327 the one,the only... 140 00:11:00,999 --> 00:11:03,661 the incomparable Starina. 141 00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:46,040 Thank you and welcome to The Birdcage. 142 00:11:46,978 --> 00:11:51,210 As you see,I've just gotten back from safari. I picked up a new muff. 143 00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:55,978 Look,it comes with accessories. 144 00:11:57,221 --> 00:12:00,554 Don't look at me like that. I didn't kill him. 145 00:12:00,825 --> 00:12:02,725 He died and left me everything. 146 00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:09,632 Where are the adorable couple celebrating their anniversary? 147 00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:12,566 Mon congrats,you sweeties. 148 00:12:13,738 --> 00:12:18,402 I may have something to celebrate myself very soon. 149 00:12:18,676 --> 00:12:21,509 I think I have found the one. 150 00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:24,140 Yes. 151 00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:28,750 You know I hate to brag,but... 152 00:12:29,087 --> 00:12:32,079 I know this grocery clerk 153 00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:34,922 Unprepossessing 154 00:12:35,927 --> 00:12:38,589 Some think the boy's a jerk 155 00:12:59,117 --> 00:13:00,448 Excuse me. 156 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,281 Hello. What do you think? 157 00:13:04,622 --> 00:13:06,613 You look like Lucy's stunt double. 158 00:13:06,891 --> 00:13:09,951 I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky. 159 00:13:10,228 --> 00:13:14,597 And it's terrifying. Get out the white wine and an ice bucket... 160 00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:17,065 chill two glasses and take the night off. 161 00:13:17,135 --> 00:13:20,298 Why do you talk to me like I'm your servant? 162 00:13:20,571 --> 00:13:22,732 Because you're our faithful houseman. Go! 163 00:13:22,974 --> 00:13:25,636 My father was the shaman of his tribe. Okay? 164 00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:28,309 My mother was the high priestess. 165 00:13:28,513 --> 00:13:30,674 Then why the hell did they move to New Jersey? 166 00:13:30,748 --> 00:13:34,514 I don't know. They were stupid. They want me to have a career. 167 00:13:34,585 --> 00:13:39,249 Hello? A career? When will you let me audition for you again? 168 00:13:39,490 --> 00:13:43,586 When you have talent. Take that wig off, or I'll tell Albert you wore it. 169 00:13:43,995 --> 00:13:48,159 You do that,I'll tell him you're seeing someone while he's onstage. 170 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:51,333 I have two words for you: green card. 171 00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:54,600 Now go! And leave the front door unlocked. 172 00:13:54,839 --> 00:13:57,330 You're such a beast to everybody. 173 00:13:58,509 --> 00:13:59,999 Come on,Gloria. 174 00:14:44,722 --> 00:14:46,053 You keep getting better looking. 175 00:14:46,324 --> 00:14:48,815 Thank you. So do you. 176 00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:51,051 Oh,no. Really? 177 00:14:52,730 --> 00:14:54,391 I feel bloated. 178 00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:58,565 -You think I look good? -You look great. 179 00:14:58,836 --> 00:15:00,167 That's very sweet. 180 00:15:03,407 --> 00:15:05,238 I'm glad you cut your hair. 181 00:15:08,079 --> 00:15:09,740 -Did you eat? -Yes. 182 00:15:10,014 --> 00:15:11,003 Something to drink? 183 00:15:11,249 --> 00:15:15,083 -Beer,if you have it. -I do not. Talk about bloat. 184 00:15:16,087 --> 00:15:17,247 White wine. 185 00:15:17,588 --> 00:15:18,577 Swell. 186 00:15:19,924 --> 00:15:22,518 -How long has Albert been on? -He just went on. 187 00:15:24,428 --> 00:15:26,419 I gave Agador the night off. 188 00:15:29,433 --> 00:15:30,764 So we're all alone. 189 00:15:31,435 --> 00:15:32,925 As requested. 190 00:15:34,605 --> 00:15:36,266 Since when do you like beer? 191 00:15:38,609 --> 00:15:40,440 I have something to tell you. 192 00:15:40,778 --> 00:15:43,611 But I don't want you to get how you get. 193 00:15:44,782 --> 00:15:45,714 Oh,God. 194 00:15:47,885 --> 00:15:49,546 I'm getting married. 195 00:15:53,791 --> 00:15:56,453 I didn't want to tell you over the phone. 196 00:15:57,461 --> 00:15:59,793 It's a girl. I met her at school. 197 00:16:00,131 --> 00:16:03,464 It's wonderful... Are you upset? 198 00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:05,462 Let me tell you why. 199 00:16:06,637 --> 00:16:08,628 First,you're only twenty. 200 00:16:08,973 --> 00:16:10,964 Pop,I know,I'm young. 201 00:16:11,309 --> 00:16:16,144 But you've always said I was a very levelheaded guy. And I am. 202 00:16:16,414 --> 00:16:21,078 I have job offers. I know what I want. And I have an incredible role model. 203 00:16:21,319 --> 00:16:22,650 -Oh,please. -It's true. 204 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,480 I'm the only guy I know who isn't from a broken home. 205 00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:27,815 Stop flattering me. It's cheap. 206 00:16:33,097 --> 00:16:34,428 Is it all right,Dad? 207 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,393 Does it matter? 208 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,090 Of course it does. 209 00:16:38,336 --> 00:16:41,828 Say it's okay,before Albert arrives and starts screaming. 210 00:16:43,007 --> 00:16:45,168 I can't. And I won't. 211 00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:46,937 This is too crazy. 212 00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:50,511 You do this,you're on your own. Got that,sport? 213 00:16:50,848 --> 00:16:53,612 Don't come back. Don't ask me for anything. 214 00:16:53,851 --> 00:16:55,512 -I want nothing to do with it. -Okay. 215 00:16:55,786 --> 00:16:57,447 -If that's how you feel. -I do. 216 00:16:57,688 --> 00:17:00,020 -Fine. Good-bye,Pop. -Good-bye,Son. 217 00:17:03,861 --> 00:17:05,351 You called my bluff. 218 00:17:05,429 --> 00:17:06,794 It was good. 219 00:17:06,864 --> 00:17:07,853 -Really? -Not bad. 220 00:17:07,932 --> 00:17:09,763 I backed off a little bit. 221 00:17:10,201 --> 00:17:11,793 Tell me it's all right. 222 00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:18,372 It's all right. I always dreamed you would. Just not so soon. 223 00:17:19,543 --> 00:17:22,205 Come on. Drop your bags. Stay a while. 224 00:17:25,816 --> 00:17:28,216 Let's drink a toast to this catastrophe. 225 00:17:28,886 --> 00:17:30,376 I'm kidding. 226 00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:32,720 It's all right. 227 00:17:33,391 --> 00:17:35,222 What's the young lady's name? 228 00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:36,786 Barbara. 229 00:17:36,861 --> 00:17:38,954 Are you crazy? It's out of the question. 230 00:17:39,030 --> 00:17:41,021 Married? You're not even 18! 231 00:17:41,098 --> 00:17:43,862 Who is this boy,Barbie? When did you last see him? 232 00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:45,424 Please,don't call me Barbie. 233 00:17:45,503 --> 00:17:48,666 This afternoon at 2:00. We've been sleeping together for a year. 234 00:17:48,739 --> 00:17:51,572 Oh,God! Has he been tested? 235 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,299 Oh,Kevin! 236 00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:54,401 Yes,and so have I. 237 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,643 This has to wait until after the election. I can't deal with this. 238 00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:04,688 Where does the young man come from, Barbie...ra? Who is his father? 239 00:18:05,756 --> 00:18:09,817 His father is in the arts. He's on the Council of Cultural Arts. 240 00:18:09,894 --> 00:18:10,883 Really? 241 00:18:10,961 --> 00:18:12,656 Did they fund the Mapplethorpe exhibit? 242 00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:17,429 No! Goodness,no. He's a cultural attach谷 to Greece. 243 00:18:17,935 --> 00:18:19,095 Really? 244 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,760 What the hell is that? 245 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:26,706 That's kind of a diplomatic post. It's sort of an ambassador. 246 00:18:26,944 --> 00:18:28,605 What does the mother do? 247 00:18:29,046 --> 00:18:30,536 She's a housewife. 248 00:18:31,115 --> 00:18:33,447 That's really refreshing. Isn't it,Kevin? 249 00:18:33,717 --> 00:18:35,878 I can't talk about this now. 250 00:18:37,955 --> 00:18:39,616 -Hello? -You okay? 251 00:18:40,124 --> 00:18:42,615 Yes. I just told them. 252 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,292 Me too. And my father is... 253 00:18:45,629 --> 00:18:49,622 very excited. He's raising his glass to toast us right now. 254 00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:53,130 I'm going to put him on. Yes. Take it. 255 00:18:53,404 --> 00:18:56,373 -You said his parents were in Greece. -Dad,get off the phone! 256 00:18:56,407 --> 00:18:57,567 Take it. 257 00:18:58,809 --> 00:19:00,140 Hello,Barbara. 258 00:19:00,377 --> 00:19:01,901 To your future. 259 00:19:01,979 --> 00:19:05,380 Shit! No,dear, that was not my toast. 260 00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:07,644 I just broke my glass. I'm sorry. 261 00:19:07,985 --> 00:19:09,145 That's okay. 262 00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:12,480 It was nice talking to you. We'll talk again soon. 263 00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:14,155 How dare you eavesdrop! 264 00:19:14,425 --> 00:19:16,859 You said his parents were in Greece. 265 00:19:16,927 --> 00:19:21,762 You saw this boy at 2:00 today, and now he's in Greece with his parents? 266 00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:23,993 No. 267 00:19:26,003 --> 00:19:26,992 Greece? 268 00:19:29,006 --> 00:19:30,769 They're back for the winter. 269 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,739 They're at their home in South Beach. 270 00:19:33,144 --> 00:19:34,975 Is that like Palm Beach? 271 00:19:35,346 --> 00:19:39,510 It's close. It's about two minutes from where Jeb Bush lives. 272 00:19:40,184 --> 00:19:41,515 Really? 273 00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:00,830 Aha! 274 00:20:00,905 --> 00:20:02,702 -Wait. -Who is he? 275 00:20:02,773 --> 00:20:05,264 Who? Where's your little chippie? 276 00:20:05,776 --> 00:20:08,336 Will you stop screaming? It's Val. 277 00:20:09,313 --> 00:20:10,473 Val? 278 00:20:11,282 --> 00:20:13,944 He's asleep in his room if you don't believe me. 279 00:20:16,554 --> 00:20:18,385 Why didn't you tell me? 280 00:20:18,789 --> 00:20:19,949 Surprise. 281 00:21:03,234 --> 00:21:05,065 Good morning! 282 00:21:08,672 --> 00:21:10,503 What beautiful flowers. 283 00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:12,402 Good morning,Albert. 284 00:21:15,913 --> 00:21:19,076 We have nice,fresh lobster this morning,Albert. 285 00:21:20,584 --> 00:21:24,918 No,thank you,Mr. Lopez. Not today. The piglet is home. 286 00:21:25,856 --> 00:21:27,187 You want the cake delivered? 287 00:21:27,358 --> 00:21:32,193 Yes,please. And remember to write 'To my Piglet,from his Auntie' on it. 288 00:21:32,263 --> 00:21:33,594 You got it. 289 00:21:33,664 --> 00:21:37,532 Thank you,Mr. Boynton. I want to get back before he wakes up. 290 00:21:37,768 --> 00:21:39,759 I'll just try this sample. 291 00:21:40,104 --> 00:21:41,765 Chocolate schnecken. 292 00:21:45,109 --> 00:21:47,270 A triumph. Well,bye-bye. 293 00:21:48,178 --> 00:21:51,170 Perhaps one more schnecken for the road. Do you mind? 294 00:21:51,248 --> 00:21:53,478 When the schnecken beckons... 295 00:21:55,619 --> 00:21:57,780 -Good morning. -Not yet. 296 00:22:01,125 --> 00:22:02,786 What is this,sludge? 297 00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:06,291 Yes. I thought it would make a nice change from coffee. 298 00:22:07,131 --> 00:22:10,123 Why didn't you say Val was coming, you bad man? 299 00:22:10,467 --> 00:22:12,958 I would not have been so sassy to you. 300 00:22:13,304 --> 00:22:15,295 Will you put some clothes on? 301 00:22:15,572 --> 00:22:18,063 Why don't you let me be in the show? 302 00:22:18,309 --> 00:22:20,743 Are you afraid of my Guatemalanness? 303 00:22:20,811 --> 00:22:22,142 Your what? 304 00:22:22,246 --> 00:22:24,646 My Guatemalanness. My natural heat. 305 00:22:24,748 --> 00:22:27,148 You're afraid I'm too primitive,right? To be on the stage... 306 00:22:27,217 --> 00:22:29,913 with your little, estrogen Rockettes. 307 00:22:29,987 --> 00:22:32,319 You're right. I'm afraid of your heat. 308 00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:33,920 Here I am. 309 00:22:34,158 --> 00:22:37,150 The bag lady. Good morning,Agador. 310 00:22:38,062 --> 00:22:40,895 Wash those,will you? They're delivering the rest at noon. 311 00:22:41,465 --> 00:22:43,126 Good morning. 312 00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,661 My God,that beard! 313 00:22:46,003 --> 00:22:48,631 -Here you go. -Thank you,dear. 314 00:22:52,176 --> 00:22:54,167 Turkish coffee. Delicious. 315 00:22:54,445 --> 00:22:55,605 See? 316 00:22:55,946 --> 00:22:57,777 Is Val still asleep? 317 00:22:57,848 --> 00:23:02,182 He must be exhausted,poor baby. You should have told me he was coming. 318 00:23:02,519 --> 00:23:06,512 I'm so ashamed of how I acted. But how could I know? 319 00:23:06,957 --> 00:23:10,120 The truth is,you can't stand sharing your son with me. 320 00:23:10,194 --> 00:23:12,128 You're always pushing me away. 321 00:23:12,196 --> 00:23:17,190 Oh,will you look at this shirt? It's a rag! 322 00:23:17,534 --> 00:23:21,368 No matter how many shirts I send him, he only wears this one. 323 00:23:21,705 --> 00:23:24,196 You look awful. What's wrong? 324 00:23:24,541 --> 00:23:25,872 Val's getting married. 325 00:23:26,043 --> 00:23:28,807 Don't be silly. I got pork roast for dinner. 326 00:23:29,046 --> 00:23:33,039 I wanted to get filet mignon, but it's so expensive. 327 00:23:33,884 --> 00:23:35,715 What do you mean,married? 328 00:23:35,786 --> 00:23:37,617 You know what I mean. 329 00:23:38,489 --> 00:23:40,821 -I don't understand. -Yes,you do. 330 00:23:43,394 --> 00:23:45,555 To some girl he met at school. 331 00:23:45,896 --> 00:23:48,888 Oh,no! Oh,but... 332 00:23:50,067 --> 00:23:53,230 he's just a baby. He'll ruin his life! 333 00:23:53,504 --> 00:23:55,836 We've been through all that,okay? 334 00:23:56,106 --> 00:23:58,597 Bottom line is he's getting married, no matter what we say. 335 00:23:58,675 --> 00:24:00,836 So the less said,the better. 336 00:24:00,911 --> 00:24:02,902 Oh,my God. 337 00:24:05,416 --> 00:24:07,577 I woke up feeling so good. 338 00:24:08,919 --> 00:24:10,750 Now,all of a sudden,I feel... 339 00:24:12,089 --> 00:24:13,579 so funny. 340 00:24:14,591 --> 00:24:16,582 Let it go. Breathe. 341 00:24:16,927 --> 00:24:18,417 Oh,you've heard. 342 00:24:18,529 --> 00:24:23,193 Oh,Vallie! Oh,my God, this is such a shock. 343 00:24:23,434 --> 00:24:26,426 I'm not saying anything. I promised your father. 344 00:24:27,438 --> 00:24:31,204 But at 20,if you throw yourself away on some dormitory slut... 345 00:24:31,275 --> 00:24:33,641 you'll be sorry the rest of your life. There! 346 00:24:33,710 --> 00:24:36,178 That's all. No more. Subject closed. 347 00:24:37,281 --> 00:24:40,273 Well,don't just stand there. Give me a kiss! 348 00:24:40,551 --> 00:24:43,884 Or are you too grown-up for that now? 349 00:24:44,455 --> 00:24:46,446 Hello,Albie. 350 00:24:47,458 --> 00:24:52,452 Our baby is going to leave us. And we won't have any others. 351 00:24:52,729 --> 00:24:54,390 Not without a miracle. 352 00:24:55,299 --> 00:24:59,736 When I and Senator Keeley founded the Coalition for Moral Order... 353 00:24:59,803 --> 00:25:04,137 it was to express moral, rather than political,views. 354 00:25:04,208 --> 00:25:07,234 What Senator Jackson is trying to say is that... 355 00:25:07,311 --> 00:25:09,245 morality is political. 356 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,142 Abortion,same-sex marriage... 357 00:25:12,483 --> 00:25:14,144 It's a wonderful show. 358 00:25:14,485 --> 00:25:16,646 It's the most intelligent show on television. 359 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,881 ...pornography would not exist... 360 00:25:18,956 --> 00:25:21,424 if politicians didn't make laws to protect them. 361 00:25:21,825 --> 00:25:24,658 That's why both houses are now Republican. 362 00:25:27,130 --> 00:25:28,961 Bravo. It's the perfect platform. 363 00:25:29,333 --> 00:25:32,860 Yes,I'm so glad I got on Jackson's bandwagon instead of Dole. 364 00:25:32,936 --> 00:25:34,426 Dole is just too... 365 00:25:34,505 --> 00:25:35,494 Dark. 366 00:25:35,772 --> 00:25:38,172 I was going to say liberal, but he's dark too. 367 00:25:38,642 --> 00:25:40,303 I have to fire this woman. 368 00:25:40,511 --> 00:25:42,843 This young man Barbie wants to marry... 369 00:25:43,180 --> 00:25:45,011 Miss Porter,page two... 370 00:25:45,349 --> 00:25:47,943 paragraph two. It's 'porno,' not 'pronto.' 371 00:25:48,185 --> 00:25:53,122 ...I wonder if he's old money. I mean,a cultural attach谷. 372 00:25:53,524 --> 00:25:57,517 Your campaign manager is calling. He says he has to talk to you. 373 00:25:57,861 --> 00:25:59,192 Thank you,Bridget. 374 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:10,971 Hello,Ben. 375 00:26:12,543 --> 00:26:14,033 Ready for what? 376 00:26:15,546 --> 00:26:16,535 What? 377 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,211 What's wrong,Kevin? 378 00:26:18,482 --> 00:26:19,710 Jackson's dead. 379 00:26:19,983 --> 00:26:20,972 Oh,my God. 380 00:26:21,218 --> 00:26:23,880 He died in bed? Whose bed? 381 00:26:24,555 --> 00:26:25,886 A prostitute? 382 00:26:27,057 --> 00:26:29,719 A minor? And black? 383 00:26:30,727 --> 00:26:34,891 I don't believe this. I don't fucking believe this! I'm ruined! 384 00:26:35,165 --> 00:26:40,000 You cannot be held responsible for Senator Jackson's private life. 385 00:26:40,237 --> 00:26:43,900 I'm the vice president of the Coalition for Moral Order. 386 00:26:44,174 --> 00:26:48,008 My co-founder just died in the bed of an underage black whore! 387 00:26:48,245 --> 00:26:50,679 Wait until the media finds out! 388 00:26:50,747 --> 00:26:51,736 Bridget! 389 00:26:52,916 --> 00:26:54,577 I could really use some candy! 390 00:26:54,851 --> 00:26:56,512 You want one of these? 391 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,251 Oh,this. 392 00:27:00,257 --> 00:27:01,918 My baby. 393 00:27:02,259 --> 00:27:04,921 Why does it seem... 394 00:27:05,762 --> 00:27:08,424 so real to me... 395 00:27:13,437 --> 00:27:15,098 Albert,you're driving me crazy. 396 00:27:15,372 --> 00:27:16,771 I know,but... 397 00:27:21,111 --> 00:27:23,443 Track-and-field award. 398 00:27:25,949 --> 00:27:28,110 There's the bar mitzvah. 399 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:33,112 Time passes so quickly. 400 00:27:33,457 --> 00:27:38,121 Well,he looked kind of funny, but he was smiling,so I didn't worry. 401 00:27:38,629 --> 00:27:40,460 How do they get them on so quickly? 402 00:27:40,731 --> 00:27:42,289 They pay. 403 00:27:42,966 --> 00:27:44,729 They're not mentioning you much. 404 00:27:45,902 --> 00:27:47,233 It's early. 405 00:27:47,638 --> 00:27:50,971 Senator Jackson's last words. Tonight,on 'Inside Edition.' 406 00:27:51,475 --> 00:27:53,636 Can you get a shot of the house? 407 00:27:53,977 --> 00:27:57,640 We may not make the live shot. If we must,I'll do a stand-up. 408 00:27:57,914 --> 00:27:59,074 'He looked kind of funny... 409 00:27:59,316 --> 00:28:01,910 but he was smiling, so I didn't worry.' 410 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:07,154 Yeah,we got a good spot. I don't know if he's going to-- 411 00:28:07,491 --> 00:28:09,482 Why don't you set up there? 412 00:28:09,559 --> 00:28:11,550 Figure you'll get part of the house in the-- 413 00:28:13,096 --> 00:28:14,654 I don't know if he'll come out. 414 00:28:19,436 --> 00:28:20,425 Where's Dad? 415 00:28:20,837 --> 00:28:25,001 He snuck out to meet with his advisors. They refused to come here. 416 00:28:25,275 --> 00:28:28,176 I never should have let him go. How will he get back in? 417 00:28:33,517 --> 00:28:38,113 Mom,I have something to tell you about Val's parents. 418 00:28:38,188 --> 00:28:40,679 They can't blame us for this. 419 00:28:40,957 --> 00:28:44,688 Eli Jackson was a common redneck. We never saw him socially. 420 00:28:44,961 --> 00:28:49,796 They can understand that,can't they? Thank goodness they're not snobs. 421 00:28:59,976 --> 00:29:01,637 What are you doing here? 422 00:29:01,878 --> 00:29:04,813 I came through the orchard, over the barn. 423 00:29:05,048 --> 00:29:07,482 It's so dangerous. You could have fallen. 424 00:29:07,551 --> 00:29:12,045 I did! I'm a wreck. This thing is all anyone can talk about. 425 00:29:12,889 --> 00:29:15,722 Kevin? There may be a solution. 426 00:29:15,992 --> 00:29:19,325 What,death? It didn't work for Jackson. 427 00:29:20,063 --> 00:29:23,897 What about a wedding? A big,white wedding. 428 00:29:24,234 --> 00:29:27,067 What wedding? Who's getting married? 429 00:29:27,404 --> 00:29:28,894 No,no! 430 00:29:29,172 --> 00:29:32,335 Why not? It would restore your image. 431 00:29:32,576 --> 00:29:34,407 A wedding is hope. 432 00:29:34,478 --> 00:29:38,414 And a white wedding is family and morality and tradition. 433 00:29:38,482 --> 00:29:40,780 And it would be such a special marriage. 434 00:29:40,851 --> 00:29:45,083 The son of a cultural attach谷, a sort of diplomat,really... 435 00:29:45,422 --> 00:29:49,586 who doesn't look down on us because of Senator Jackson. 436 00:29:49,826 --> 00:29:51,726 Who's willing to join our family. 437 00:29:51,795 --> 00:29:54,787 There's the cover of 'People' and 'Time' and 'Newsweek.' 438 00:29:55,265 --> 00:29:58,428 Love and optimism versus cynicism and sex! 439 00:29:58,502 --> 00:30:00,493 It would be an affirmation! 440 00:30:00,570 --> 00:30:03,403 If necessary,we'll get the Pope's blessing. It's not hard. 441 00:30:03,473 --> 00:30:08,604 No,he's too controversial. What about Billy Graham? 442 00:30:08,779 --> 00:30:09,973 He's too liberal. 443 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,942 -Where's the candy? -You've had enough candy. 444 00:30:13,216 --> 00:30:15,707 This boy-- What's his father's name? 445 00:30:16,052 --> 00:30:17,383 Armand... 446 00:30:17,754 --> 00:30:18,743 Coleman. 447 00:30:19,122 --> 00:30:22,455 I wonder if they're related to Tish and Bobo Coleman. 448 00:30:22,726 --> 00:30:25,194 -Are they from Boston? -I don't think so. 449 00:30:25,529 --> 00:30:27,656 I think we should go to South Beach immediately. 450 00:30:27,731 --> 00:30:29,062 We should have dinner-- 451 00:30:31,134 --> 00:30:33,898 We'll have dinner with them and stay with the Bushes. 452 00:30:34,304 --> 00:30:39,298 Mr. and Mrs. Armand Coleman of Greece and South Beach. 453 00:30:57,661 --> 00:31:01,324 What is this dream I see 454 00:31:03,500 --> 00:31:06,663 Why does it seem so real 455 00:31:07,003 --> 00:31:08,664 To me 456 00:31:09,005 --> 00:31:13,669 What if this dream turns out to be 457 00:31:14,511 --> 00:31:17,344 More than a dream 458 00:31:17,848 --> 00:31:20,339 Fairy dust,fairy dust,fairy dust. 459 00:31:23,019 --> 00:31:26,853 Come,little dream,and play 460 00:31:28,191 --> 00:31:30,352 Don't be afraid 461 00:31:30,694 --> 00:31:33,026 Don't fade away 462 00:31:33,864 --> 00:31:36,025 Quick,little dream 463 00:31:36,366 --> 00:31:38,857 Before you're gone 464 00:31:39,202 --> 00:31:41,534 Let's get it on 465 00:31:44,875 --> 00:31:46,206 I saw that. 466 00:31:46,643 --> 00:31:49,635 Well,this is impossible. Either I'm an artist... 467 00:31:49,779 --> 00:31:53,237 or I'm just some cheap drag queen trying to get laughs. 468 00:31:53,316 --> 00:31:54,806 Let's just get through it. 469 00:31:54,885 --> 00:31:58,150 I have to understand every nuance of a song. 470 00:31:58,221 --> 00:32:01,213 I have to give my all. Everyone else can just 'get through it.' 471 00:32:01,291 --> 00:32:03,088 He's chewing gum. 472 00:32:03,159 --> 00:32:04,649 Chewing gum helps me think. 473 00:32:04,895 --> 00:32:06,726 You're wasting your gum. 474 00:32:06,997 --> 00:32:09,989 Let's keep going. And no more talking. From anyone. 475 00:32:10,066 --> 00:32:11,499 -I need to talk to you. -Sit. 476 00:32:11,735 --> 00:32:13,999 -It's important. -Quiet. He's rehearsing. 477 00:32:18,241 --> 00:32:20,732 Each night anew 478 00:32:23,413 --> 00:32:25,745 Tell me,my dream 479 00:32:26,082 --> 00:32:28,414 Are you a dreamer too 480 00:32:28,618 --> 00:32:30,108 What is it? 481 00:32:30,186 --> 00:32:34,020 -Can you come upstairs with me? -No,not right now. 482 00:32:36,593 --> 00:32:40,586 Did you see what he just did? Hello,Vallie,darling. 483 00:32:41,264 --> 00:32:46,258 He blew a bubble while I was singing. He can't do that while I'm singing! 484 00:32:46,603 --> 00:32:48,264 This may be a drag show... 485 00:32:48,605 --> 00:32:52,200 but it should be a good drag show. If possible,a great one. 486 00:32:52,275 --> 00:32:54,140 Just because you're 22 and hung-- 487 00:32:54,210 --> 00:32:55,541 I'll do this,Albert. 488 00:32:55,779 --> 00:32:57,542 -You're the director. -Thank you. 489 00:32:58,214 --> 00:33:01,206 This is a complex number, full of mythic themes. 490 00:33:01,451 --> 00:33:04,113 The woman who is singing invented you. 491 00:33:04,621 --> 00:33:07,283 You are her fantasy. Suddenly,you... 492 00:33:07,557 --> 00:33:12,460 the fantasy,see her,your inventor, and she becomes your fantasy. 493 00:33:14,397 --> 00:33:16,865 -I don't get it. -Try more gum. 494 00:33:16,933 --> 00:33:18,298 -Albert. -I hear you. 495 00:33:18,468 --> 00:33:20,060 Thank you. I know you do. 496 00:33:21,304 --> 00:33:23,966 Celsius, let's start with the premise... 497 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,732 that when you see this stunning, smoldering creature... 498 00:33:27,978 --> 00:33:31,641 she transcends your desire to chew. She electrifies you! 499 00:33:31,915 --> 00:33:35,248 Something starts in your pelvis and goes to your heart... 500 00:33:35,485 --> 00:33:37,976 where it becomes heart-slash-pelvis. 501 00:33:38,321 --> 00:33:39,982 Yes? Coming! 502 00:33:40,323 --> 00:33:42,917 What do I do? Stand here like an object? 503 00:33:43,159 --> 00:33:45,992 You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! 504 00:33:46,262 --> 00:33:50,494 You do Fosse,Fosse,Fosse! Or Martha Graham,Martha Graham,Martha Graham! 505 00:33:50,767 --> 00:33:55,431 Or Twyla,Twyla,Twyla! Or Michael Kidd,Michael Kidd,Michael Kidd! 506 00:33:55,672 --> 00:33:59,506 Or Madonna,Madonna,Madonna! But you keep it all inside. 507 00:34:00,343 --> 00:34:04,177 Work on that. I'll be right back. It's looking wonderful. 508 00:34:04,781 --> 00:34:06,612 Barbara's coming with her parents. 509 00:34:06,683 --> 00:34:08,674 -When? -Tomorrow. 510 00:34:08,952 --> 00:34:10,283 That's plenty of time. 511 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,853 No,there's more. There's a lot more. 512 00:34:17,861 --> 00:34:18,850 Wine? 513 00:34:19,129 --> 00:34:23,361 No. Let's hear it. I have to get back to rehearsal. 514 00:34:26,703 --> 00:34:30,366 Barbara's father is a senator, a conservative senator. 515 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,974 He's running for reelection. And she told him... 516 00:34:37,714 --> 00:34:41,548 you're the cultural attach谷 to Greece,and Albert is a housewife. 517 00:34:41,851 --> 00:34:43,182 What? 518 00:34:44,554 --> 00:34:47,887 She had to. He founded the Coalition for Moral Order. 519 00:34:48,324 --> 00:34:51,157 I don't care. I don't want to be someone else. 520 00:34:51,394 --> 00:34:52,725 Do you want me to be? 521 00:34:52,996 --> 00:34:56,989 No,no. Of course not. And neither does she. But... 522 00:34:58,068 --> 00:34:59,729 Dad,he's Kevin Keeley. 523 00:35:00,070 --> 00:35:01,731 Who's Kevin Keeley? 524 00:35:02,739 --> 00:35:04,172 Do you read the newspaper? 525 00:35:04,407 --> 00:35:08,400 Of course. 'Variety,' the Arts and Leisure section of the 'Times'... 526 00:35:08,745 --> 00:35:12,078 What don't I know? Are you marrying some Nazi? 527 00:35:12,348 --> 00:35:16,250 No. He's conservative, like half of America is conservative. 528 00:35:16,586 --> 00:35:18,577 And I'm marrying her,not him. 529 00:35:19,255 --> 00:35:21,189 -I need your help. -Not for this. 530 00:35:21,424 --> 00:35:22,413 You've done it before. 531 00:35:22,759 --> 00:35:24,920 Lied about who I am? Never. 532 00:35:25,195 --> 00:35:27,925 When I started Edison Park, remember what you said? 533 00:35:28,765 --> 00:35:33,099 You said if Miss Donovan asked, I should say you were a businessman. 534 00:35:34,337 --> 00:35:37,135 You were a baby, and she was a small-minded idiot. 535 00:35:37,207 --> 00:35:38,868 I didn't want you to get hurt. 536 00:35:39,609 --> 00:35:41,600 It's different now. You're a man. 537 00:35:42,112 --> 00:35:43,773 I can still get hurt. 538 00:35:45,381 --> 00:35:49,283 It would mean everything to me if you would help us. 539 00:35:49,619 --> 00:35:51,211 It's just for one night. 540 00:35:52,388 --> 00:35:55,551 This is insane. What do I do,close the club... 541 00:35:55,792 --> 00:36:00,229 so I can pretend to be a cultural attach谷? Whatever that is. 542 00:36:00,463 --> 00:36:04,456 And what about Albert? How do you make Albert into a housewife? 543 00:36:04,801 --> 00:36:06,894 Well,you'd have to send him away. 544 00:36:07,137 --> 00:36:08,627 You try sending Albert away. 545 00:36:08,905 --> 00:36:13,740 We'd never get him past the Keeleys. Dad,we have to get rid of a few things. 546 00:36:13,977 --> 00:36:15,808 What things? 547 00:36:16,646 --> 00:36:18,807 Well,that,for example. 548 00:36:19,149 --> 00:36:21,481 Neptune? That's a classic. 549 00:36:21,818 --> 00:36:23,809 And this. 550 00:36:24,154 --> 00:36:25,985 The Kirby? That's art! 551 00:36:26,322 --> 00:36:28,153 And how about that? 552 00:36:35,331 --> 00:36:36,662 That better? 553 00:36:47,343 --> 00:36:52,337 Look,it's not just one or two things,okay? It's everything. 554 00:36:52,682 --> 00:36:56,015 We're going to have to tone this down a little. 555 00:36:56,286 --> 00:36:59,119 Just make it a bit more like other people's homes. 556 00:36:59,556 --> 00:37:02,047 I see. So we need a total redecoration... 557 00:37:02,125 --> 00:37:04,457 so we can be more like other people. 558 00:37:04,527 --> 00:37:07,860 And you're going to have to try to... 559 00:37:08,698 --> 00:37:11,861 ...you know-- change your mannerisms a little. 560 00:37:12,202 --> 00:37:15,694 -What are you saying? -Just be a little less obvious. 561 00:37:16,039 --> 00:37:17,700 I'm obvious. 562 00:37:30,220 --> 00:37:32,711 I just had the walls sponge painted,Val. 563 00:37:35,491 --> 00:37:39,655 You better come downstairs. She's trying to take his gum away. 564 00:37:42,065 --> 00:37:43,396 I'll be right down. 565 00:37:47,237 --> 00:37:51,230 Yes,I wear foundation. Yes,I live with a man. 566 00:37:52,075 --> 00:37:54,066 Yes,I'm a middle-aged fag. 567 00:37:54,677 --> 00:37:58,511 But I know who I am,Val. It took me 20 years to get here. 568 00:37:58,748 --> 00:38:01,512 I won't let some idiot senator destroy that. 569 00:38:01,751 --> 00:38:04,845 Fuck the senator. I don't give a damn what he thinks. 570 00:38:13,229 --> 00:38:13,263 Still outside the home of Senator Kevin Keeley... 571 00:38:13,263 --> 00:38:15,527 Still outside the home of Senator Kevin Keeley... 572 00:38:15,598 --> 00:38:17,930 the co-founder of the Coalition for Moral Order... 573 00:38:18,768 --> 00:38:22,864 ...waiting for Senator Jackson's colleague,Senator Kevin Keeley. 574 00:38:22,939 --> 00:38:26,773 At this point,we don't know if the senator is at home... 575 00:38:27,010 --> 00:38:31,845 Earlier reports placed him at the home of Senator Robert Dole. 576 00:38:32,181 --> 00:38:34,911 We're here at what they're calling Camp Keeley... 577 00:38:34,984 --> 00:38:37,384 waiting for the senator to put in an appearance. 578 00:38:37,453 --> 00:38:41,082 The senator was co-founder of the Coalition for Moral Order... 579 00:38:41,157 --> 00:38:43,284 with Senator Eli Jackson. 580 00:38:43,626 --> 00:38:47,619 The senator has been besieged here, outside his palatial estate... 581 00:38:47,864 --> 00:38:50,162 by a virtual army of media, waiting for... 582 00:38:50,233 --> 00:38:53,202 some comment on the unfortunate events of late. 583 00:38:59,375 --> 00:39:00,865 Where you driving him? 584 00:39:02,378 --> 00:39:04,209 South Beach,Florida. 585 00:39:09,385 --> 00:39:12,980 Folks,there have been a lot of tasteless jokes going around... 586 00:39:13,222 --> 00:39:15,656 about the death of Senator Jackson. 587 00:39:16,159 --> 00:39:17,148 And here's another one. 588 00:39:18,394 --> 00:39:22,888 Join Jay on 'The Tonight Show' with guests Yasser Arafat and Kate Moss. 589 00:39:23,232 --> 00:39:24,722 This is unbearable. 590 00:39:35,244 --> 00:39:36,575 Kevin,no! 591 00:39:36,913 --> 00:39:40,076 I'm going down the ladder. I can't face the press. 592 00:39:40,350 --> 00:39:43,012 Have the chauffeur pick me up by the orchard. 593 00:39:43,252 --> 00:39:45,584 No! I don't want to go out there alone! 594 00:39:45,855 --> 00:39:49,848 Barbara will be with you. It's not you they're after. 595 00:39:51,094 --> 00:39:52,425 Daddy! 596 00:39:53,596 --> 00:39:55,257 I'm going down the back way. 597 00:39:55,331 --> 00:39:58,926 What about your announcing Barbara's wedding to the Coleman boy? 598 00:39:59,202 --> 00:40:02,365 Not before we meet them. What if they change their mind? 599 00:40:02,605 --> 00:40:05,039 Let go of me. I'll meet you in the car. 600 00:40:13,449 --> 00:40:16,111 -He's leaving his home. -Senator Keeley! 601 00:40:16,386 --> 00:40:18,547 Senator,will this cost you votes? 602 00:40:18,788 --> 00:40:21,120 What's the future of the Coalition? 603 00:40:23,059 --> 00:40:26,222 What about the rumors Senator Jackson was on lithium? 604 00:40:26,963 --> 00:40:29,124 Uh,gentlemen...and ladies... 605 00:40:29,465 --> 00:40:32,400 I am,as are all my colleagues... 606 00:40:32,802 --> 00:40:37,466 Republican and Democrat, liberal and conservative alike... 607 00:40:37,807 --> 00:40:41,299 stunned and saddened by the circumstances surrounding... 608 00:40:41,577 --> 00:40:45,809 the death of Senator Jackson, as well as the death itself. 609 00:40:46,649 --> 00:40:48,310 My family and I... 610 00:40:48,651 --> 00:40:53,486 are leaving town for a few days,uh, for reasons that I cannot,uh... 611 00:40:53,823 --> 00:40:56,257 To,um,plan an event. 612 00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:58,491 An event which... 613 00:40:58,995 --> 00:41:00,656 I cannot,uh... 614 00:41:00,997 --> 00:41:03,329 Which may perhaps heal some of the... 615 00:41:03,599 --> 00:41:06,261 bad,uh,things,that... 616 00:41:06,502 --> 00:41:10,336 Senator Jackson's demise has made us all... 617 00:41:10,606 --> 00:41:11,766 feel. 618 00:41:11,841 --> 00:41:14,275 Where are you going,Senator? 619 00:41:14,510 --> 00:41:18,844 Where? To our farm. That's all I'm going to say at this time. 620 00:41:19,182 --> 00:41:21,844 -Did you know the girl? -Where is the farm? 621 00:42:15,738 --> 00:42:18,571 Agador? Goddamn it. 622 00:42:18,908 --> 00:42:20,239 What did I do? 623 00:42:20,510 --> 00:42:24,503 We're redoing the apartment for tomorrow night. Goddamn it. 624 00:42:24,747 --> 00:42:27,580 This is for the in-laws,right? 625 00:42:27,917 --> 00:42:32,251 Right. We have to get rid of everything that's over the top. 626 00:42:33,422 --> 00:42:35,083 That's a lot. 627 00:42:35,424 --> 00:42:38,587 You'll have to get a uniform and dress like a butler. 628 00:42:38,928 --> 00:42:41,192 No. I'll look like a fag. 629 00:42:41,430 --> 00:42:43,591 But you'll look like a fag in a uniform. 630 00:42:43,866 --> 00:42:45,697 'Don't ask,don't tell.' 631 00:42:45,935 --> 00:42:49,200 Start tomorrow morning. I'll get Albert out early. 632 00:42:49,272 --> 00:42:50,933 Where will I get a uniform? 633 00:42:51,007 --> 00:42:53,202 I'll say,'Albert,you must go for a few days.' 634 00:42:53,442 --> 00:42:54,431 Ay,Dio. 635 00:42:54,710 --> 00:42:56,041 It'll be hard. 636 00:42:56,212 --> 00:42:58,112 I got so much to do. 637 00:42:59,015 --> 00:43:00,175 Pop. 638 00:43:02,885 --> 00:43:04,216 Thank you. 639 00:43:04,787 --> 00:43:08,450 Do me a favor,Val. Don't talk to me for a while. 640 00:43:22,972 --> 00:43:25,304 Kevin,please, let's charter a plane. 641 00:43:25,575 --> 00:43:28,135 No! We can't get out of the car. 642 00:43:28,210 --> 00:43:30,701 The second we get out of the car, we'll be spotted. 643 00:43:52,001 --> 00:43:53,662 How I love the sun. 644 00:43:54,003 --> 00:43:55,994 Yes,it's glorious,isn't it? 645 00:43:56,339 --> 00:44:01,333 You know,you could use some more sun. Take a few days off. You look tired. 646 00:44:02,845 --> 00:44:04,176 What do you mean? 647 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:05,840 Nothing. 648 00:44:19,028 --> 00:44:21,019 Don't kill yourselves with this thing. 649 00:44:21,097 --> 00:44:22,792 Who put 'Playboy' in the bathroom? 650 00:44:22,865 --> 00:44:24,696 Leave it. It's what they read. 651 00:44:25,701 --> 00:44:28,636 Don't add. Just subtract. 652 00:44:28,871 --> 00:44:32,864 Please hurry. This place has to look respectable by six. 653 00:44:33,209 --> 00:44:34,870 Cyril,that's too short. 654 00:44:35,144 --> 00:44:38,636 I want that nice Armani break in the front. 655 00:44:39,215 --> 00:44:43,549 But don't just pull it. Do it down there. I got high-waters here. 656 00:44:45,988 --> 00:44:47,319 That's it. 657 00:44:47,556 --> 00:44:51,219 -But you must have meant something. -I meant you looked tired. 658 00:44:51,494 --> 00:44:54,657 Tired means old. 'You look tired' means you look old. 659 00:44:54,897 --> 00:44:57,058 'You look rested' means you had collagen. 660 00:44:57,333 --> 00:44:59,995 You look wonderful. Let's go shopping. 661 00:45:00,236 --> 00:45:01,999 No,I want to go home. 662 00:45:02,238 --> 00:45:05,230 On a day like this? I'll buy you anything you want. 663 00:45:05,574 --> 00:45:08,236 Anything? I'll have to change my shoes. 664 00:45:08,511 --> 00:45:09,910 -I'll buy you some. -I need peds. 665 00:45:10,179 --> 00:45:15,173 -I'll buy you sandals. -What's going on? Why can't we go home? 666 00:45:15,584 --> 00:45:18,075 Nothing. Nothing. 667 00:45:18,688 --> 00:45:20,679 Then I'll see you upstairs. 668 00:45:21,757 --> 00:45:23,088 What? 669 00:45:23,426 --> 00:45:25,417 -I hurt my thing. -Your what? 670 00:45:25,761 --> 00:45:29,094 My ankle. I don't think I can make it upstairs. 671 00:45:29,165 --> 00:45:31,190 Wait here. I'll bring down some ice. 672 00:45:31,267 --> 00:45:32,393 No,no! 673 00:45:32,601 --> 00:45:34,933 Why not? Oh,my arm! 674 00:45:35,271 --> 00:45:38,536 My arm. I hate it when you get hysterical. 675 00:45:38,607 --> 00:45:39,938 Don't leave me! 676 00:45:43,446 --> 00:45:44,606 What is that? 677 00:45:45,448 --> 00:45:48,611 I got it from the antique store next door. Too butch? 678 00:45:48,951 --> 00:45:51,112 Don't add. 679 00:45:51,454 --> 00:45:53,445 You're blocking my way. 680 00:45:53,789 --> 00:45:56,781 Put the moose on the patio. 681 00:45:57,293 --> 00:46:00,126 Don't be such a baby. Be careful! 682 00:46:00,463 --> 00:46:01,452 I can't move any faster. 683 00:46:01,731 --> 00:46:03,062 Lean on me. 684 00:46:03,299 --> 00:46:04,630 I need a doctor. 685 00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:07,232 Don't be silly. It isn't even swollen. 686 00:46:07,470 --> 00:46:09,802 We should go to the emergency room. 687 00:46:10,072 --> 00:46:14,975 You're overreacting. Don't be such a baby. Just sit down on... 688 00:46:18,647 --> 00:46:20,137 We've been robbed. 689 00:46:20,483 --> 00:46:24,817 Albie,no. I've just taken a few things out. 690 00:46:25,087 --> 00:46:27,248 They'll be returned by the time you're back. 691 00:46:28,657 --> 00:46:29,988 Back? 692 00:46:31,527 --> 00:46:32,858 Where am I going? 693 00:46:34,830 --> 00:46:36,161 You didn't tell him. 694 00:46:36,499 --> 00:46:39,332 What? Tell me what? 695 00:46:41,837 --> 00:46:45,329 Val's fianc谷e is coming tonight with her parents. 696 00:46:45,674 --> 00:46:47,665 We thought it would... 697 00:46:49,111 --> 00:46:51,272 be better if you weren't here. 698 00:47:00,356 --> 00:47:01,687 I see. 699 00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:05,920 I see. 700 00:47:05,995 --> 00:47:08,190 It's just for tonight. 701 00:47:08,264 --> 00:47:10,630 I understand. Just while people are here. 702 00:47:11,333 --> 00:47:13,164 It's all right,my darling. 703 00:47:13,369 --> 00:47:16,361 It's nothing. It's painful... 704 00:47:17,706 --> 00:47:19,697 but it's not important. 705 00:47:21,310 --> 00:47:22,800 I'm leaving. 706 00:47:22,878 --> 00:47:24,539 It's just one night,Albert. 707 00:47:25,047 --> 00:47:26,537 The monster... 708 00:47:27,883 --> 00:47:30,875 the freak is leaving. 709 00:47:32,555 --> 00:47:34,045 You're safe. 710 00:47:44,233 --> 00:47:45,723 That went well. 711 00:47:50,139 --> 00:47:51,299 Albert! 712 00:47:54,777 --> 00:47:56,267 Will you listen? 713 00:47:56,345 --> 00:48:00,679 Go away. I hate you! I never want to see you again. 714 00:48:01,917 --> 00:48:03,748 My heart is breaking. 715 00:48:03,919 --> 00:48:06,911 Please,don't cry. It's okay. You can stay. 716 00:48:07,256 --> 00:48:09,417 I won't stay where I'm not wanted. 717 00:48:09,692 --> 00:48:12,855 Where I can be thrown out on a whim without legal rights. 718 00:48:13,095 --> 00:48:14,585 I have the palimony papers. 719 00:48:14,864 --> 00:48:17,697 You're lying again. This is too much for me. 720 00:48:17,933 --> 00:48:20,925 Too much ugliness. Too much pain. 721 00:48:21,270 --> 00:48:23,602 Feel my pulse. Am I all right? 722 00:48:23,939 --> 00:48:28,273 My goodness,it's very fast. Let's get you out of the sun. 723 00:48:38,621 --> 00:48:40,612 -Waiter! Water. -Right away. 724 00:48:40,890 --> 00:48:43,051 It's the end. I know it is. 725 00:48:43,292 --> 00:48:45,283 No,it isn't. Just breathe. 726 00:48:45,961 --> 00:48:48,122 Thank you,Rodrigo. And the usual. 727 00:48:48,397 --> 00:48:50,126 Right away,Se防or Goldman. 728 00:48:50,466 --> 00:48:52,127 There you go. 729 00:48:52,635 --> 00:48:54,626 Thank you. That's better. 730 00:48:57,139 --> 00:49:00,973 This is not about you. The girl's parents are assholes. 731 00:49:01,243 --> 00:49:02,733 Val is crazy about you. 732 00:49:02,978 --> 00:49:04,969 Is he? Oh,that helps. 733 00:49:05,314 --> 00:49:07,976 Oh,you're so sweet. 734 00:49:09,151 --> 00:49:11,142 That water is so cool. 735 00:49:11,654 --> 00:49:16,648 Maybe it is a bit much to introduce me as his mother on the first visit. 736 00:49:17,326 --> 00:49:20,159 Could you say I was a visiting relative? 737 00:49:20,429 --> 00:49:22,158 Val's uncle? Uncle AI? 738 00:49:22,231 --> 00:49:24,495 What's the point? To be Val's gay uncle? 739 00:49:24,767 --> 00:49:26,428 I could play it straight. 740 00:49:26,669 --> 00:49:29,832 Oh,please. Look at you,at how you hold your glass. 741 00:49:30,105 --> 00:49:32,096 Look at your pinky,your posture. 742 00:49:32,341 --> 00:49:37,005 What about you? You're obviously not a cultural... whatever it is. 743 00:49:37,346 --> 00:49:39,837 You've never been to a museum, and you eat like a pig. 744 00:49:40,182 --> 00:49:44,949 These conservatives don't care if you're a pig,just if you're a fag. 745 00:49:52,027 --> 00:49:56,361 Oh,fuck them. Of course you can pass as an uncle. 746 00:49:56,699 --> 00:49:59,031 You're a great performer. I'm a great director. 747 00:49:59,301 --> 00:50:00,962 Together we can do anything. 748 00:50:01,203 --> 00:50:02,534 Oh,Armand. Really? 749 00:50:02,805 --> 00:50:05,467 Absolutely. We've got five hours. 750 00:50:05,708 --> 00:50:09,041 First,get your pinky down. It's up again. 751 00:50:09,478 --> 00:50:10,809 And your posture. 752 00:50:11,380 --> 00:50:15,214 My God! Are you crazy? What are you doing? 753 00:50:15,551 --> 00:50:16,882 Stop screaming! 754 00:50:17,219 --> 00:50:19,210 I'm teaching you to act like a man. 755 00:50:19,655 --> 00:50:21,646 All right,all right. 756 00:50:21,890 --> 00:50:24,723 It's a dinner party. Let's work with food. 757 00:50:26,061 --> 00:50:28,154 Spread some mustard on the toast. 758 00:50:30,566 --> 00:50:33,899 Don't use the spoon. And don't dribble dots of mustard. 759 00:50:34,403 --> 00:50:36,064 You take your knife... 760 00:50:36,739 --> 00:50:40,231 and you smear. Men smear. 761 00:50:40,576 --> 00:50:42,908 Smear. Yeah. 762 00:50:46,248 --> 00:50:51,242 Get the goddamn pinky down! Make your fingers like iron. Stop trembling! 763 00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:53,852 Hold the knife boldly,with strength. 764 00:50:54,089 --> 00:50:56,580 Oh,God! I pierced the toast! 765 00:50:56,925 --> 00:51:01,419 So what? Just remember not to go to pieces when that happens. 766 00:51:01,764 --> 00:51:03,925 React like a man,calmly. 767 00:51:04,199 --> 00:51:09,193 You say to yourself,'Albert,you pierced the toast. So what?' 768 00:51:09,438 --> 00:51:11,770 It's not the end of your life. 769 00:51:12,107 --> 00:51:16,100 'Albert,you pierced the toast. So what?' 770 00:51:16,712 --> 00:51:19,545 Of course. There's no need to get hysterical. 771 00:51:19,782 --> 00:51:22,444 All I have to remember is, I can always get more toast. 772 00:51:22,785 --> 00:51:25,276 That's the spirit. Let's try walking. 773 00:51:25,788 --> 00:51:29,280 -Holding the sandwich? -It doesn't matter. Just walk. 774 00:51:31,126 --> 00:51:32,457 Down! 775 00:51:55,751 --> 00:51:57,082 Too swishy? 776 00:51:59,154 --> 00:52:00,815 Let me give you an image. 777 00:52:01,156 --> 00:52:04,648 It's a clich谷,but it's an image: John Wayne. 778 00:52:04,993 --> 00:52:07,484 Couldn't we start with someone easier? 779 00:52:07,830 --> 00:52:09,491 Come on. You're a big fan. 780 00:52:09,832 --> 00:52:11,766 He has a very distinctive walk. 781 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:16,164 Very easy to imitate. And if anyone was a man... Now try it. 782 00:52:16,505 --> 00:52:20,168 Now just get off your horse and head into the saloon. 783 00:52:24,179 --> 00:52:25,510 Nice touch. 784 00:52:41,196 --> 00:52:42,527 Howdy,ma'am. 785 00:52:50,472 --> 00:52:51,370 No good? 786 00:52:52,541 --> 00:52:56,807 Actually,it's perfect. I never realized John Wayne walked like that. 787 00:53:13,996 --> 00:53:15,054 Hang on. 788 00:53:19,568 --> 00:53:21,729 This guy's a fucking maniac. 789 00:53:23,505 --> 00:53:24,995 What's in South Beach? 790 00:53:25,908 --> 00:53:29,571 Armand Goldman, you old so-and-so. 791 00:53:29,912 --> 00:53:31,402 How about those Dolphins? 792 00:53:33,615 --> 00:53:35,014 Screaming queen? 793 00:53:35,751 --> 00:53:38,549 Stick your hand out sideways, not palm down. 794 00:53:38,620 --> 00:53:40,747 -I'm going to shake it,not kiss it. -Right. 795 00:53:40,822 --> 00:53:42,255 And tighten your wrist. 796 00:53:42,324 --> 00:53:45,316 No,straighten it, then tighten it. 797 00:53:46,261 --> 00:53:48,456 AI,you old so-and-so. 798 00:53:48,530 --> 00:53:50,191 -I just said that. -Now I'm saying it. 799 00:53:50,432 --> 00:53:53,094 Okay. Straighten,tighten. 800 00:53:59,608 --> 00:54:04,272 AI,you old son of a bitch! How do you feel about that call today? 801 00:54:04,546 --> 00:54:09,279 The Dolphins,in the fourth on their 30-yard line with only 34 seconds to go. 802 00:54:09,618 --> 00:54:12,951 How do you think I feel? Betrayed. Bewildered. 803 00:54:13,088 --> 00:54:15,420 Wrong response? 804 00:54:16,558 --> 00:54:19,049 I'm not sure. Take it from the top. 805 00:54:19,294 --> 00:54:20,625 This is very exciting. 806 00:54:20,896 --> 00:54:23,228 -It is,fella. -Right on,amigo! 807 00:54:23,465 --> 00:54:25,797 -Damn straight. -Damn straight! 808 00:54:27,302 --> 00:54:29,634 -Fuckin' a! -Fuckin' a,right! 809 00:54:30,639 --> 00:54:32,971 Swing that by me again, little buddy. 810 00:54:33,308 --> 00:54:34,798 I'm terribly sorry. 811 00:54:34,876 --> 00:54:36,537 Take it easy. 812 00:54:36,612 --> 00:54:38,443 You take it easy,pilgrim. 813 00:54:38,513 --> 00:54:41,573 -He bumped into me. -Tough gazongas. 814 00:54:41,650 --> 00:54:43,481 Why are you being a prick? 815 00:54:43,552 --> 00:54:45,645 Why are you being an asshole? 816 00:54:50,659 --> 00:54:52,752 Are you calling me an asshole? 817 00:54:53,495 --> 00:54:56,328 Actually,I'm talking to the asshole behind you. 818 00:55:00,002 --> 00:55:03,165 See,the swelling's already gone down. It's nothing. 819 00:55:03,505 --> 00:55:07,339 You were magnificent,marvelous, very masculine. 820 00:55:07,676 --> 00:55:09,007 I'm so proud of you. 821 00:55:09,278 --> 00:55:11,610 That big gorilla looked ridiculous when he sat on you... 822 00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:15,275 and banged your head on the ground. He didn't even know how to box. 823 00:55:15,350 --> 00:55:17,841 Thank you,Vallie. You're a dear. 824 00:55:18,854 --> 00:55:22,688 I'll get you some more ice. Be right back,love. 825 00:55:29,698 --> 00:55:34,192 Dad,could we hire a straight maid for tonight? 826 00:55:34,536 --> 00:55:37,027 There are no straight maids in South Beach. 827 00:55:38,373 --> 00:55:40,534 And I have more bad news for you. 828 00:55:40,876 --> 00:55:42,639 I told Albert he could stay. 829 00:55:44,379 --> 00:55:46,370 You did what? Why? 830 00:55:46,848 --> 00:55:49,840 Why? Because he told me his heart was breaking... 831 00:55:49,918 --> 00:55:52,216 and he's my friend and companion. 832 00:55:52,888 --> 00:55:54,719 Who will we say he is? 833 00:55:54,790 --> 00:55:56,155 Your uncle. 834 00:55:56,391 --> 00:55:57,722 My uncle? 835 00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:00,551 Let's just forget the whole thing. 836 00:56:00,829 --> 00:56:04,822 Don't be so negative! Have a little hope! 837 00:56:05,067 --> 00:56:09,060 About what? Once they see you and Albert together... 838 00:56:09,738 --> 00:56:14,072 Oh,my God. Oh,my God. I was feeling so good,and now... 839 00:56:14,576 --> 00:56:16,237 God,what a mess. 840 00:56:16,611 --> 00:56:18,602 What we really need is a woman. 841 00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:21,672 We could get away with Albert as an uncle if we had a woman as a mother. 842 00:56:21,750 --> 00:56:24,412 Ironic,isn't it? When you need a woman... 843 00:56:26,421 --> 00:56:28,412 Why don't I ask your mother? 844 00:56:28,757 --> 00:56:31,419 My mother wouldn't do it. Would she? 845 00:56:31,626 --> 00:56:32,957 How do we know? 846 00:56:33,028 --> 00:56:36,020 Because she hasn't seen me in 20 years. That's a good indication. 847 00:56:36,098 --> 00:56:40,432 No,20 years ago she was a young girl-- scared,broke,but now... 848 00:56:40,702 --> 00:56:43,034 You can't be serious! 849 00:56:43,939 --> 00:56:47,932 It's very unfair of you to try to talk Val into this. He-- 850 00:56:48,210 --> 00:56:49,541 She'd do it? 851 00:56:51,713 --> 00:56:53,203 My mother? 852 00:56:55,117 --> 00:56:57,779 Oh,my God. Armand? 853 00:56:58,053 --> 00:57:01,955 I don't believe it. It's been a hundred years. Where are you? 854 00:57:02,224 --> 00:57:04,055 I'll be there in 5 minutes. 855 00:57:04,393 --> 00:57:06,122 I can hardly wait. 856 00:57:06,461 --> 00:57:08,622 Me too. Bye-bye. 857 00:57:10,632 --> 00:57:12,065 She's going to see me. 858 00:57:13,135 --> 00:57:15,797 Why don't I drop you off at a caf谷? 859 00:57:16,138 --> 00:57:19,972 No,I'll come up with you. I'm sure there's a waiting room. 860 00:57:33,588 --> 00:57:36,751 Katharine Archer,please. It's Armand Goldman. 861 00:57:37,092 --> 00:57:38,582 Go right in. 862 00:57:45,267 --> 00:57:46,928 Just sit down. 863 00:57:47,936 --> 00:57:49,096 Excuse us. 864 00:57:54,443 --> 00:57:55,774 Army Goldman. 865 00:57:56,044 --> 00:57:58,706 Katie Archer. Or is it Mrs. something? 866 00:57:58,947 --> 00:58:02,610 No. I'm between husbands. Sit down. 867 00:58:04,953 --> 00:58:07,945 I've thought about you so many times. 868 00:58:08,290 --> 00:58:12,226 Whenever I saw an ad for The Birdcage. Are you still with Albert? 869 00:58:12,461 --> 00:58:14,793 Yes,we're still together. 870 00:58:15,130 --> 00:58:16,290 And you... 871 00:58:17,466 --> 00:58:18,455 you've done well. 872 00:58:18,567 --> 00:58:22,298 Because of you. The money you gave me started this place. 873 00:58:22,370 --> 00:58:24,167 You should have gotten stock for it. 874 00:58:24,239 --> 00:58:26,400 I got Val for it. It was a fair trade. 875 00:58:27,809 --> 00:58:28,969 Is he...? 876 00:58:30,345 --> 00:58:31,676 How is he? 877 00:58:31,913 --> 00:58:34,905 He's fine. He wants to get married. 878 00:58:35,150 --> 00:58:37,015 Married? How old is he? 879 00:58:37,085 --> 00:58:38,245 Twenty. 880 00:58:41,490 --> 00:58:42,923 My God,twenty years. 881 00:58:43,325 --> 00:58:46,317 And today,for the first time, he really needs you. 882 00:59:03,111 --> 00:59:04,271 Shiny. 883 00:59:08,183 --> 00:59:11,277 Imelda,cancel my appointments for tonight. 884 00:59:17,526 --> 00:59:21,860 I normally drink vegetable juice during business hours,but for this... 885 00:59:22,531 --> 00:59:26,865 let's drink to Senator Keeley's daughter and our Val. 886 00:59:27,135 --> 00:59:30,036 I haven't done much for him in the last 20 years. 887 00:59:30,305 --> 00:59:32,136 Don't worry about that. 888 00:59:32,541 --> 00:59:34,873 I'm not exactly maternal. 889 00:59:35,210 --> 00:59:36,700 I am. 890 00:59:37,045 --> 00:59:39,206 I'm very maternal. 891 00:59:39,481 --> 00:59:41,642 And Albert's practically a breast. 892 00:59:50,225 --> 00:59:52,557 Do you remember the show where we met? 893 00:59:52,894 --> 00:59:54,225 Very well. 894 00:59:54,729 --> 00:59:56,720 Love is in the air 895 00:59:57,065 --> 00:59:58,396 Different kinds 896 00:59:58,667 --> 01:00:01,659 Quite clearly People everywhere 897 01:00:01,903 --> 01:00:03,234 Out of their minds 898 01:00:03,505 --> 01:00:05,336 Act queerly 899 01:00:06,575 --> 01:00:08,065 Wait,wait. 900 01:00:08,410 --> 01:00:11,243 Wives are at their husbands' service 901 01:00:11,580 --> 01:00:14,071 Virgins are distinctly nervous 902 01:00:14,416 --> 01:00:17,408 Virgins are distinctly nervous 903 01:00:17,752 --> 01:00:22,086 Love is going around 904 01:00:24,259 --> 01:00:25,749 Ah,for the gypsy. 905 01:00:26,094 --> 01:00:27,584 How handsome you were. 906 01:00:27,862 --> 01:00:31,593 How unavailable, and what a body. 907 01:00:32,267 --> 01:00:33,757 You're embarrassing me. 908 01:00:34,102 --> 01:00:36,866 You were so terrified. It was so sweet. 909 01:00:37,105 --> 01:00:41,599 I nearly died. I walk into my room, and there's a woman in my bed! 910 01:00:41,943 --> 01:00:44,275 I paid the doorman twenty dollars. 911 01:00:44,613 --> 01:00:46,274 Twenty dollars in those days. 912 01:00:46,615 --> 01:00:47,604 Oh,God. 913 01:00:47,949 --> 01:00:49,780 I thought,'What the hell?' 914 01:00:50,452 --> 01:00:54,445 'I'll try it once and see what those straight guys are raving about.' 915 01:00:56,291 --> 01:00:57,622 How long did we last? 916 01:00:57,892 --> 01:01:01,384 I know exactly. From 2:30 till 3:45 a.m. Two times. 917 01:01:09,137 --> 01:01:10,468 Love is in the air 918 01:01:10,739 --> 01:01:11,728 Round and about 919 01:01:11,973 --> 01:01:14,635 This morning Bachelors beware 920 01:01:14,976 --> 01:01:17,137 -Maidens watch out -Fair warning 921 01:01:17,412 --> 01:01:22,076 If you stop to feel a tingle And you like remaining single 922 01:01:22,317 --> 01:01:23,648 That's your part. 923 01:01:23,918 --> 01:01:26,318 Stay home Don't take a breath 924 01:01:26,655 --> 01:01:29,988 You could catch your death 925 01:01:30,325 --> 01:01:32,987 'Cause love is around 926 01:01:40,001 --> 01:01:41,332 Sorry. 927 01:01:43,171 --> 01:01:47,005 You're in incredible shape. And you can still dance. 928 01:01:47,342 --> 01:01:49,503 So can you,Armand. 929 01:01:49,844 --> 01:01:51,675 Thank you. That's so cool. 930 01:01:52,013 --> 01:01:56,347 Where did all this hair come from? Wasn't your chest smooth? 931 01:01:56,685 --> 01:01:59,518 I shaved it for the show. I wanted to look young. 932 01:01:59,788 --> 01:02:03,280 It's much nicer this way-- much more masculine. 933 01:02:03,525 --> 01:02:05,516 So much hair. 934 01:02:05,860 --> 01:02:07,691 Let me touch it. 935 01:02:08,029 --> 01:02:09,690 What a beautiful chain. 936 01:02:10,031 --> 01:02:13,694 Look how it glitters in that thick,black nest of hair. 937 01:02:14,035 --> 01:02:15,366 Unbutton your shirt. 938 01:02:15,637 --> 01:02:17,628 -Careful,it's silk. -Let me touch that chest. 939 01:02:17,872 --> 01:02:20,534 -Don't snag it. -Your beautiful,hairy chest. 940 01:02:22,310 --> 01:02:24,141 I'm sorry. I couldn't stop him. 941 01:02:24,379 --> 01:02:25,141 Albert? 942 01:03:03,084 --> 01:03:04,415 Is Albert here? 943 01:03:04,986 --> 01:03:05,975 No. 944 01:03:06,187 --> 01:03:10,021 Great. Then he's driving back from Miami at 20 miles an hour... 945 01:03:10,258 --> 01:03:13,694 with the parking brake on. I had to take the fucking bus. 946 01:03:18,266 --> 01:03:19,927 Are we crucifying someone tonight? 947 01:03:20,201 --> 01:03:23,034 You like it? I traded that stupid moose for it. 948 01:03:23,271 --> 01:03:27,037 And they threw in books. It all goes back tomorrow. 949 01:03:27,709 --> 01:03:29,108 Is my mother coming? 950 01:03:29,611 --> 01:03:31,044 Yes,she's coming. 951 01:03:31,446 --> 01:03:33,778 Yes. Thank you. 952 01:03:34,115 --> 01:03:35,946 There. You see? 953 01:03:36,217 --> 01:03:37,946 It all worked out. 954 01:03:38,620 --> 01:03:41,555 I'm only here to get my toothbrush. Agador... 955 01:03:41,790 --> 01:03:44,224 will you? It's in the usual place. 956 01:03:48,062 --> 01:03:50,724 I would have loved to see your children. 957 01:03:51,232 --> 01:03:54,633 Why don't you hold the crucifix? It's the prop for martyrs. 958 01:03:57,305 --> 01:04:01,799 Oh,yes. Another gibe, another joke at my expense. 959 01:04:03,311 --> 01:04:05,643 You and Katharine were probably laughing at me too. 960 01:04:06,481 --> 01:04:10,645 Well,why not? I'm not young,I'm not new... 961 01:04:11,152 --> 01:04:13,313 and everyone laughs at me. 962 01:04:13,655 --> 01:04:16,317 I'm quite aware of how ridiculous I am. 963 01:04:16,991 --> 01:04:20,654 The only solution is to go where nobody is ridiculous. 964 01:04:20,929 --> 01:04:23,261 Where everyone is equal. 965 01:04:24,666 --> 01:04:25,758 Good-bye,Armand. 966 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,833 Wait,Miss Albert! Don't forget this. 967 01:04:29,170 --> 01:04:31,832 Listen,I don't want you to go. 968 01:04:32,841 --> 01:04:35,674 My poor,devoted Agador. 969 01:04:36,010 --> 01:04:38,672 I'm leaving you my stereo... 970 01:04:39,180 --> 01:04:41,171 -my red boots... -I don't want them. 971 01:04:41,449 --> 01:04:44,111 -and my wigs. -Which wigs? 972 01:04:44,352 --> 01:04:47,844 My best wigs. I won't need them where I'm going. 973 01:04:49,557 --> 01:04:50,922 Okay,I'll bite. 974 01:04:52,260 --> 01:04:53,750 Where are you going? 975 01:04:54,529 --> 01:04:55,860 To Los Copa. 976 01:04:56,197 --> 01:05:00,361 There isn't anything in Los Copa but a cemetery. 977 01:05:01,703 --> 01:05:04,695 I know. That's why I'm packing light. 978 01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:06,800 I see. 979 01:05:07,141 --> 01:05:11,874 You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian. 980 01:05:14,215 --> 01:05:15,546 Good-bye,Armand. 981 01:05:15,817 --> 01:05:18,479 Miss Albert,wait! Don't! 982 01:05:20,555 --> 01:05:21,886 Shit! 983 01:05:22,156 --> 01:05:24,147 It'll be better without an uncle. 984 01:05:24,392 --> 01:05:27,054 What did you do to him? He goes to a cemetery! 985 01:05:27,328 --> 01:05:28,659 -Calm down! -Why? 986 01:05:28,897 --> 01:05:31,889 Because you have to start cooking dinner. 987 01:05:32,233 --> 01:05:34,565 I'm going after fucking Albert. 988 01:05:40,241 --> 01:05:41,230 Can you... 989 01:05:42,243 --> 01:05:43,733 You can cook,right? 990 01:05:44,913 --> 01:05:47,404 Your father seems to think so. 991 01:06:12,774 --> 01:06:15,265 My cemetery is in Key Biscayne. 992 01:06:16,778 --> 01:06:18,769 It's one of the prettiest in the world. 993 01:06:19,113 --> 01:06:23,777 There are lovely trees, the sky is blue,there are birds. 994 01:06:26,287 --> 01:06:28,778 The one in Los Copa is really shit. 995 01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:34,121 What a pain in the ass you are. 996 01:06:35,964 --> 01:06:39,297 It's true. You're not young, and you're not new... 997 01:06:39,634 --> 01:06:41,625 and you do make people laugh. 998 01:06:42,136 --> 01:06:44,969 I'm still with you because you make me laugh. 999 01:06:45,239 --> 01:06:48,731 So now I have to sell my plot in Key Biscayne... 1000 01:06:48,810 --> 01:06:52,041 so I can be next to you in that shithole Los Copa... 1001 01:06:52,246 --> 01:06:54,908 so I never miss a laugh. 1002 01:07:00,154 --> 01:07:01,485 What's this? 1003 01:07:02,323 --> 01:07:03,654 Read it. 1004 01:07:07,662 --> 01:07:09,254 I don't understand. 1005 01:07:09,497 --> 01:07:13,263 It's the palimony agreement. I told you I had it. 1006 01:07:14,335 --> 01:07:19,329 It says I have the right to give you half of everything I own. 1007 01:07:19,674 --> 01:07:22,666 It's safer, if something happens to one of us. 1008 01:07:23,678 --> 01:07:26,340 But who owns it now? 1009 01:07:26,681 --> 01:07:27,841 You do. 1010 01:07:35,356 --> 01:07:36,345 I don't want it. 1011 01:07:36,624 --> 01:07:38,114 Then give me half. 1012 01:07:38,359 --> 01:07:42,352 Quick,give me a pen. I don't want all of this,Armand. 1013 01:07:43,531 --> 01:07:44,862 Sign it. 1014 01:08:01,549 --> 01:08:04,040 There. We're partners. 1015 01:08:04,385 --> 01:08:07,877 You own half my life, and I own half of yours. 1016 01:08:08,222 --> 01:08:09,553 Half the club? 1017 01:08:09,891 --> 01:08:12,883 What does it matter? Take it all. 1018 01:08:13,361 --> 01:08:14,851 I'm 50 years old. 1019 01:08:14,929 --> 01:08:18,592 There's only one place I call home, and it's because you're there. 1020 01:08:18,900 --> 01:08:23,894 What difference does it make if I say you can stay,or you say I can stay? 1021 01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:27,730 It's ours. 1022 01:08:44,926 --> 01:08:48,020 She's gone,Mr. Goldman. But she always checks in. 1023 01:08:48,262 --> 01:08:49,923 Sure,I'll take a message. 1024 01:08:50,932 --> 01:08:52,422 Go ahead. 1025 01:08:53,768 --> 01:08:55,759 Don't come... 1026 01:08:56,104 --> 01:08:58,766 The Reverend AI Sharpton said today that... 1027 01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:03,602 Jackson's last words,'Your money's on the dresser,Chocolate.' were racist. 1028 01:09:03,878 --> 01:09:06,870 The prostitute's given name was Natumbundra. 1029 01:09:07,115 --> 01:09:10,050 That idiot Jackson! Now the blacks will start. 1030 01:09:10,284 --> 01:09:13,617 Barbara's wedding will disassociate us from all this. 1031 01:09:13,955 --> 01:09:18,790 The Colemans are a perfect family. They've never been divorced,have they? 1032 01:09:19,961 --> 01:09:23,124 See? We're on our way to salvation. 1033 01:09:24,298 --> 01:09:28,462 And it was a question of Albert or your mother. 1034 01:09:28,803 --> 01:09:30,794 So I had to choose. 1035 01:09:31,139 --> 01:09:33,300 And I chose Albert. 1036 01:09:34,976 --> 01:09:36,967 You understand that,don't you? 1037 01:09:37,478 --> 01:09:38,809 I knew you would. 1038 01:09:41,816 --> 01:09:44,148 I can't get this damn tie even. 1039 01:09:44,819 --> 01:09:46,650 Well,the jacket will cover it. 1040 01:09:48,489 --> 01:09:50,821 I look like my grandfather in this suit. 1041 01:09:51,492 --> 01:09:55,258 He always dressed like this. He killed himself at 30. 1042 01:09:56,664 --> 01:09:58,154 Any last instructions? 1043 01:09:58,499 --> 01:10:01,662 Just don't walk unless you have to. 1044 01:10:02,537 --> 01:10:04,027 And don't gesture. 1045 01:10:05,306 --> 01:10:06,466 That all? 1046 01:10:06,774 --> 01:10:08,435 Don't talk... 1047 01:10:08,776 --> 01:10:10,107 too much. 1048 01:10:11,846 --> 01:10:13,677 Who cares? This won't work. 1049 01:10:14,015 --> 01:10:19,009 Come on! Don't be so negative. I think we can pull this off. 1050 01:11:16,911 --> 01:11:18,242 What? 1051 01:11:20,514 --> 01:11:22,004 No good? 1052 01:11:24,585 --> 01:11:28,077 Why? I'm dressed just the way you are. 1053 01:11:29,590 --> 01:11:31,751 I took off all my rings. 1054 01:11:32,426 --> 01:11:34,417 I'm not wearing any makeup. 1055 01:11:36,264 --> 01:11:37,595 I'm just... 1056 01:11:39,767 --> 01:11:41,257 a 'guy.' 1057 01:11:43,271 --> 01:11:44,602 What about those? 1058 01:11:48,109 --> 01:11:52,773 Those? Well,one does want a hint of color. 1059 01:12:00,121 --> 01:12:03,284 You're thinking that dressed this way... 1060 01:12:03,624 --> 01:12:06,457 I'm even more obvious, aren't you? 1061 01:12:14,302 --> 01:12:15,633 You're right. 1062 01:12:26,480 --> 01:12:29,813 I just wanted so much to help you. 1063 01:12:34,155 --> 01:12:35,645 And you hate me. 1064 01:12:37,158 --> 01:12:39,319 You both hate me. 1065 01:12:45,166 --> 01:12:46,827 We don't hate you. 1066 01:12:50,104 --> 01:12:52,436 ...better treat me right 1067 01:12:54,175 --> 01:12:56,666 She works hard for the money 1068 01:12:58,179 --> 01:13:00,670 So hard for it,honey 1069 01:13:02,183 --> 01:13:07,177 I work hard for the money So you better treat me right 1070 01:13:07,788 --> 01:13:09,016 That's right 1071 01:13:09,523 --> 01:13:11,286 Better put your shoes on. It's late. 1072 01:13:11,359 --> 01:13:14,851 There's no point in my putting shoes on,sir. 1073 01:13:15,196 --> 01:13:18,688 I never wear shoes because they make me fall down. 1074 01:13:18,966 --> 01:13:20,957 Just put your shoes on! 1075 01:13:21,202 --> 01:13:25,536 And talk in your normal voice. Give me a break. 1076 01:13:27,875 --> 01:13:29,035 Okay. 1077 01:13:39,220 --> 01:13:41,211 Armand? It's Katharine. 1078 01:13:41,555 --> 01:13:43,386 I'm in the car,and I got... 1079 01:13:43,657 --> 01:13:46,319 a message telling me not to come. 1080 01:13:46,727 --> 01:13:51,221 No,that was a mistake. He said not to come late. I was there. 1081 01:13:51,565 --> 01:13:54,398 I thought my secretary got it wrong. 1082 01:13:54,668 --> 01:13:57,330 I should be there in half an hour. 1083 01:13:58,739 --> 01:14:00,229 Is this Val? 1084 01:14:03,244 --> 01:14:06,236 Val,I want you to know how... 1085 01:14:07,415 --> 01:14:10,179 happy I am that I can do this for you. 1086 01:14:10,584 --> 01:14:12,575 I know it's a little late. 1087 01:14:12,920 --> 01:14:14,751 No,it's fine. 1088 01:14:16,090 --> 01:14:18,081 Thanks for this. 1089 01:14:20,428 --> 01:14:23,761 So,um,see you in half an hour... 1090 01:14:24,598 --> 01:14:25,929 Mom. 1091 01:14:30,104 --> 01:14:33,767 Did you just say, 'See you in half an hour,Mom'? 1092 01:14:34,375 --> 01:14:35,706 -Was that? -Yes. 1093 01:14:35,943 --> 01:14:37,911 You can't call her back. She's in the car. 1094 01:14:37,978 --> 01:14:39,138 Are you crazy? 1095 01:14:39,213 --> 01:14:42,546 Albert is hysterical now. You know what he'll do if Katharine comes? 1096 01:14:42,616 --> 01:14:44,447 Nothing. He won't embarrass me. 1097 01:14:44,785 --> 01:14:47,720 It was my mother. I couldn't tell her not to come. 1098 01:14:48,289 --> 01:14:51,725 Pop,without her I'm screwed. You know that. 1099 01:14:58,132 --> 01:15:02,296 So this is hell. And there's a crucifix in it. 1100 01:15:22,656 --> 01:15:26,148 This is less like Palm Beach than I imagined. 1101 01:15:26,594 --> 01:15:28,755 It was all sand when they bought here. 1102 01:15:28,996 --> 01:15:32,329 This grew up around them while they were in Greece. 1103 01:15:38,506 --> 01:15:43,102 He's locked himself in. If we're lucky, he won't come out at all. 1104 01:15:45,779 --> 01:15:50,682 I'm not religious,and I'm Jewish. But if things go well,I'd appreciate it. 1105 01:15:52,019 --> 01:15:56,513 Speaking of Jewish,Barbara told her parents our last name is Coleman. 1106 01:15:58,192 --> 01:15:59,352 Thanks. 1107 01:16:01,028 --> 01:16:02,359 Coming. 1108 01:16:03,864 --> 01:16:05,024 Perfect. 1109 01:16:08,135 --> 01:16:09,796 It's the shoes. 1110 01:16:15,543 --> 01:16:20,037 Good evening. I am Spartacus,the Goldmans' butler. 1111 01:16:20,548 --> 01:16:23,039 Please,come-- Come in. 1112 01:16:25,386 --> 01:16:27,149 Is that Goldman? 1113 01:16:27,388 --> 01:16:30,380 Coldman,Coldman. Spartacus is,uh... 1114 01:16:30,724 --> 01:16:32,055 -Guatemalan. -new. 1115 01:16:32,726 --> 01:16:35,490 Val,this is my father and my mother. 1116 01:16:36,230 --> 01:16:37,891 This is Val Coleman. 1117 01:16:39,233 --> 01:16:40,723 Coleman or Coldman? 1118 01:16:41,001 --> 01:16:42,229 Coleman. 1119 01:16:42,670 --> 01:16:44,501 The 'd' is silent. 1120 01:16:44,738 --> 01:16:45,898 My father. 1121 01:16:48,542 --> 01:16:50,032 My daughter,Barbara. 1122 01:16:50,411 --> 01:16:51,571 Delighted. 1123 01:16:53,514 --> 01:16:54,503 My husband. 1124 01:16:56,083 --> 01:16:57,072 Extremely honored. 1125 01:16:57,251 --> 01:16:59,583 You have a very forceful handshake. 1126 01:16:59,853 --> 01:17:01,252 You have to in Greece. 1127 01:17:05,593 --> 01:17:08,585 My mother won't be here for another 15 minutes. 1128 01:17:08,862 --> 01:17:11,194 She's with my grandparents in Palm Beach. 1129 01:17:11,865 --> 01:17:14,095 Oh,isn't that nice? 1130 01:17:14,368 --> 01:17:17,030 Having contact between the generations. 1131 01:17:17,271 --> 01:17:19,432 Yes. Won't you come in? 1132 01:17:22,276 --> 01:17:25,268 How's the leg? My father has an old football injury. 1133 01:17:25,546 --> 01:17:27,707 A fellow sufferer. Where did you play? 1134 01:17:27,948 --> 01:17:29,779 -Greece. -Miami U. 1135 01:17:30,784 --> 01:17:31,944 What an interesting room. 1136 01:17:32,286 --> 01:17:34,550 Don't you think this room is nice? 1137 01:17:34,788 --> 01:17:37,450 Well,yes. A very,very... 1138 01:17:37,791 --> 01:17:42,455 pleasant vacation house. I like it's,uh,severity. 1139 01:17:42,796 --> 01:17:47,233 Dad uses this place more for work and... reflection than anything else. 1140 01:17:47,468 --> 01:17:50,801 So it's not so much a vacation house as a-- 1141 01:17:51,071 --> 01:17:52,402 Monastery. 1142 01:17:53,140 --> 01:17:55,631 Well,it's just charming. 1143 01:17:55,976 --> 01:17:59,468 And look at these lovely old books. 1144 01:18:00,481 --> 01:18:01,812 Look at this. 1145 01:18:02,316 --> 01:18:05,649 'Nancy Drew and the Case of the Burning Candle.' 1146 01:18:05,986 --> 01:18:07,647 You have the whole series. 1147 01:18:07,988 --> 01:18:09,478 Uh,they're my mother's. 1148 01:18:09,823 --> 01:18:10,983 Sit down! 1149 01:18:12,493 --> 01:18:13,824 Please. 1150 01:18:30,010 --> 01:18:32,342 Shall we have champagne to celebrate? 1151 01:18:32,680 --> 01:18:34,341 Oh,how nice. 1152 01:18:34,682 --> 01:18:36,013 -Agador! -Spartacus! 1153 01:18:36,350 --> 01:18:41,117 Agador Spartacus! He insists on being called by his full name. 1154 01:18:48,128 --> 01:18:49,959 We'd like the champagne now. 1155 01:19:04,244 --> 01:19:06,576 Over there? Okay,thanks. 1156 01:19:08,082 --> 01:19:09,413 God bless you. 1157 01:19:10,250 --> 01:19:11,581 They went in around the corner. 1158 01:19:11,852 --> 01:19:14,514 That's the side entrance to this building. The club? 1159 01:19:14,755 --> 01:19:16,086 Let's check it out. 1160 01:19:17,091 --> 01:19:20,424 You have such a responsibility, two houses. 1161 01:19:20,761 --> 01:19:22,592 When did you buy this one? 1162 01:19:22,863 --> 01:19:26,526 About 15 years ago. The area was mostly Jewish then. 1163 01:19:26,767 --> 01:19:29,930 Really? Barbara told us it was mostly sand. 1164 01:19:31,772 --> 01:19:35,765 Yes. Well,you know the old saying, 'Where there's sand...' 1165 01:19:37,277 --> 01:19:40,440 Here we go. Champagne for everyone. 1166 01:19:41,281 --> 01:19:43,374 And a scotch,if you have it. 1167 01:19:46,386 --> 01:19:47,717 Is someone else home? 1168 01:19:48,789 --> 01:19:53,123 Just our dog,Piranha. We always lock her in when there's company. 1169 01:19:56,130 --> 01:19:58,792 I'll finish pouring. Go finish dinner. 1170 01:20:08,475 --> 01:20:12,912 He's a brilliant chef. He just has a lot to learn about serving. 1171 01:20:14,414 --> 01:20:16,746 Where could the wife be? 1172 01:20:39,339 --> 01:20:42,172 He was so weird. 1173 01:20:42,509 --> 01:20:44,500 No,I really was. 1174 01:20:44,845 --> 01:20:46,676 I was like, 'Will you marry me?' 1175 01:20:47,347 --> 01:20:50,680 She was like, 'Didn't you say no way before thirty?' 1176 01:20:51,018 --> 01:20:52,508 It was so funny. 1177 01:20:52,853 --> 01:20:56,016 Yes,it does sound funny. 1178 01:21:00,027 --> 01:21:02,518 How was your trip,Senator? 1179 01:21:03,530 --> 01:21:06,192 A nice trip. Very nice. 1180 01:21:06,800 --> 01:21:10,964 We decided to drive down to see the seasons change. 1181 01:21:12,372 --> 01:21:16,206 It was a long trip,though: Virginia,Kentucky... 1182 01:21:16,543 --> 01:21:17,874 Tennessee... 1183 01:21:18,879 --> 01:21:20,210 Georgia. 1184 01:21:20,714 --> 01:21:25,378 It was just so magical to come from the North,where it's cold... 1185 01:21:26,053 --> 01:21:28,385 to the South, where it's warm... 1186 01:21:29,056 --> 01:21:32,890 and see the tremendous differences from region to region... 1187 01:21:33,227 --> 01:21:35,718 in this incredible country of ours. 1188 01:21:38,565 --> 01:21:41,227 My wife and I used to go to Virginia... 1189 01:21:41,501 --> 01:21:44,061 every autumn to see the foliage turn. 1190 01:21:44,905 --> 01:21:47,066 Virginia has amazing foliage... 1191 01:21:47,407 --> 01:21:51,571 although I do think that the foliage in Ohio is underrated. 1192 01:21:54,414 --> 01:21:57,406 It's just dazzling along I-75. 1193 01:22:02,589 --> 01:22:04,079 Just dazzling. 1194 01:22:05,259 --> 01:22:09,252 We would go down to Virginia, to get away for a while. 1195 01:22:09,529 --> 01:22:13,590 To see the wonderful farms, the countryside. 1196 01:22:13,934 --> 01:22:17,267 I'm stuck in traffic. Start dinner without me. 1197 01:22:17,938 --> 01:22:20,429 The hills,the mountains. 1198 01:22:22,442 --> 01:22:25,275 Talk about 'purple mountains' majesty.' 1199 01:22:26,280 --> 01:22:28,271 Just fantastic. 1200 01:22:30,117 --> 01:22:32,950 Red leaves,purple mountains... 1201 01:22:34,788 --> 01:22:36,380 green fields. 1202 01:22:38,792 --> 01:22:41,454 And the roads. Black... 1203 01:22:42,896 --> 01:22:44,727 cutting through the green. 1204 01:22:45,899 --> 01:22:47,560 All the colors. 1205 01:22:48,468 --> 01:22:49,799 The trees. 1206 01:22:53,907 --> 01:22:55,898 PennsyIvania's nice too. 1207 01:22:57,577 --> 01:22:58,908 Was that my wife? 1208 01:22:59,646 --> 01:23:01,307 Just now on the phone? 1209 01:23:01,581 --> 01:23:04,243 I think it was. I was just so caught up. 1210 01:23:04,484 --> 01:23:06,475 Val,was that Mom? 1211 01:23:06,820 --> 01:23:09,152 Yeah. She's stuck. 1212 01:23:09,489 --> 01:23:11,423 We're to start dinner without her. 1213 01:23:11,658 --> 01:23:15,492 I would have picked up,but I was so interested in the senator's... 1214 01:23:16,096 --> 01:23:17,256 story. 1215 01:23:17,497 --> 01:23:19,328 Oh,it wasn't that good. 1216 01:23:19,666 --> 01:23:20,997 It was wonderful. 1217 01:23:21,835 --> 01:23:26,499 Will you excuse me? I should tell Agador Spartacus this news. 1218 01:23:41,688 --> 01:23:43,519 Would you excuse us? 1219 01:23:46,793 --> 01:23:49,455 I've never had so much go so wrong so quickly. 1220 01:23:49,529 --> 01:23:51,019 This is like a curse! 1221 01:23:51,098 --> 01:23:54,693 Dad,what do we do? Do we wait for her or do we-- 1222 01:23:55,035 --> 01:23:56,229 You're soaking! 1223 01:23:56,303 --> 01:23:58,134 I'm sweating like some farm animal. 1224 01:23:58,372 --> 01:24:02,035 -I can't do this. -We can do this! Work with me. 1225 01:24:02,709 --> 01:24:05,041 Something very odd is going on. 1226 01:24:05,312 --> 01:24:07,303 It's this thing with Jackson. 1227 01:24:07,547 --> 01:24:11,313 The wife doesn't want to see us, and the father's a wreck. 1228 01:24:11,551 --> 01:24:13,212 I'm sure that's not it. 1229 01:24:13,553 --> 01:24:17,649 No,it's something else. Something about the father and the butler. 1230 01:24:18,392 --> 01:24:20,053 -It's nothing! -It is something. 1231 01:24:20,327 --> 01:24:22,727 It's not! You always think the worst. 1232 01:24:22,963 --> 01:24:24,988 -I don't! -You always do! 1233 01:24:25,065 --> 01:24:27,295 -Val's mother is just late. -Listen,young lady! 1234 01:24:27,367 --> 01:24:28,561 She's late! 1235 01:24:28,835 --> 01:24:31,395 -Watch yourself,young lady! -Here they come. 1236 01:24:32,572 --> 01:24:33,732 Excuse me. 1237 01:24:35,075 --> 01:24:36,736 Well,we'll... 1238 01:24:37,911 --> 01:24:40,903 give her a half hour, and if she isn't-- 1239 01:24:42,049 --> 01:24:43,516 Here I am! 1240 01:24:43,583 --> 01:24:45,073 Oh,please... 1241 01:24:45,185 --> 01:24:49,679 forgive me for being so late, but traffic was unbelievable! 1242 01:24:50,090 --> 01:24:52,752 Senator Keeley,Mrs. Keeley... 1243 01:24:53,093 --> 01:24:56,256 I'm so happy to meet you at last. 1244 01:24:56,763 --> 01:24:59,095 You must be Barbara. 1245 01:24:59,933 --> 01:25:01,594 What a pretty child. 1246 01:25:01,935 --> 01:25:03,368 Come give me a hug. 1247 01:25:04,104 --> 01:25:06,197 Don't be afraid. 1248 01:25:06,306 --> 01:25:09,070 Oh,how adorable. She's shy. 1249 01:25:09,142 --> 01:25:11,372 How nice to meet you, Mrs. Coleman. 1250 01:25:11,611 --> 01:25:12,771 Goldman. 1251 01:25:13,013 --> 01:25:14,480 Isn't the 'd' silent? 1252 01:25:14,548 --> 01:25:18,450 It is pronounced Coleman,isn't it? We've had some confusion. 1253 01:25:18,952 --> 01:25:21,113 Oh,yes. Coleman. 1254 01:25:21,455 --> 01:25:24,117 The 'd' is silent in America. 1255 01:25:24,458 --> 01:25:28,724 It's Cole d'isle au Man, or Cole of the Isle of Man in France... 1256 01:25:28,962 --> 01:25:31,453 where Armand's chateau is... 1257 01:25:32,065 --> 01:25:35,228 Cole d'man in Greece where Armand's work is... 1258 01:25:35,469 --> 01:25:39,803 and finally,the vulgar Coleman in Florida,where Armand's home is. 1259 01:25:40,073 --> 01:25:44,908 So,we never know where we are until we hear our last name pronounced. 1260 01:25:47,314 --> 01:25:48,975 That explains it. 1261 01:25:49,416 --> 01:25:50,576 At last. 1262 01:25:51,818 --> 01:25:54,309 I would like to hug you, Mrs. Coleman. 1263 01:25:54,488 --> 01:25:56,649 Oh,my dear child! 1264 01:25:57,157 --> 01:25:58,488 Welcome. 1265 01:25:59,092 --> 01:26:00,252 Look at this. 1266 01:26:00,994 --> 01:26:04,828 This is our footage for the show on Jackson. Pump up the sound. 1267 01:26:05,599 --> 01:26:08,932 We're here at what they're calling Camp Keeley... 1268 01:26:09,169 --> 01:26:10,659 Where you driving him? 1269 01:26:12,339 --> 01:26:14,170 South Beach,Florida. 1270 01:26:15,675 --> 01:26:16,937 Where is this? 1271 01:26:17,177 --> 01:26:20,340 Keeley's house last night. The fat guy... 1272 01:26:20,680 --> 01:26:24,844 is with the 'National Inquirer.' Harry Radman. 1273 01:26:25,185 --> 01:26:30,122 Oh,yeah. My God,he's put on so much weight since the Simpson case. 1274 01:26:31,525 --> 01:26:33,117 This should go to the network. 1275 01:26:33,693 --> 01:26:36,184 It's so wonderful what you've done here. 1276 01:26:36,463 --> 01:26:39,296 Everything is so simple and uncluttered. 1277 01:26:39,533 --> 01:26:43,196 Our house is a sea of papers. You men. 1278 01:26:43,470 --> 01:26:46,633 You're the biggest babies. They can run the world... 1279 01:26:46,873 --> 01:26:48,704 but can't pick out a tie. 1280 01:26:49,042 --> 01:26:53,206 I know. I can't get this big lug to buy a new suit. 1281 01:26:53,547 --> 01:26:55,208 Armand,they're picking on us. 1282 01:26:56,383 --> 01:26:57,714 Oh,well... 1283 01:26:58,051 --> 01:27:01,214 bless them. That's the way nature made them. 1284 01:27:01,555 --> 01:27:03,887 Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned girl... 1285 01:27:04,224 --> 01:27:08,558 but I pity the woman who's too busy to take care of her man. 1286 01:27:08,828 --> 01:27:12,161 Hear,hear! It's so nice to meet people like you. 1287 01:27:12,499 --> 01:27:13,830 Our kind of people. 1288 01:27:16,403 --> 01:27:20,737 C-o-I-e-m-a-n. There's no first name on the bell. 1289 01:27:21,241 --> 01:27:22,902 Sure? They can't find them. 1290 01:27:23,176 --> 01:27:27,340 What about the name in front of the club? Goldman? That's close. 1291 01:27:27,581 --> 01:27:30,243 You're right. Wouldn't that be something? 1292 01:27:30,517 --> 01:27:32,508 Try Goldman. What was it? 1293 01:27:32,752 --> 01:27:34,083 Armand Goldman. 1294 01:27:34,754 --> 01:27:38,588 It's so odd to me, this fuss over school prayer. 1295 01:27:38,858 --> 01:27:41,520 As if anyone-- Jews,Muslims,whatever... 1296 01:27:41,761 --> 01:27:44,525 would mind if their children prayed in the classroom. 1297 01:27:44,764 --> 01:27:46,425 It's insane. 1298 01:27:48,268 --> 01:27:50,930 Thank you,Agador Spartacus! You may go. 1299 01:27:53,940 --> 01:27:56,773 He's very nice,but such a problem. 1300 01:27:57,110 --> 01:27:59,442 We never know what makes him laugh. 1301 01:28:00,447 --> 01:28:02,108 At least he speaks English. 1302 01:28:02,382 --> 01:28:05,874 We have been through more chauffeurs in the last six months. 1303 01:28:06,119 --> 01:28:09,782 And the maids we've been through in the last six years! 1304 01:28:10,056 --> 01:28:11,717 Rodney,Bruno,Chuck-- 1305 01:28:11,958 --> 01:28:14,119 Look! You all need more ice. 1306 01:28:14,394 --> 01:28:16,726 I have a good feeling about you people. 1307 01:28:16,963 --> 01:28:20,956 Not a lot of clever books on the shelves,no fancy art on the walls. 1308 01:28:21,234 --> 01:28:25,068 Just the crucifix and a lot of good,warm,family feeling. 1309 01:28:25,138 --> 01:28:27,299 This is what Clinton didn't understand... 1310 01:28:27,374 --> 01:28:30,036 when he started in on school prayer and gays in the military. 1311 01:28:30,110 --> 01:28:31,634 More ice for you. 1312 01:28:31,811 --> 01:28:35,076 There's an idiotic issue. Gays in the military! 1313 01:28:35,315 --> 01:28:38,478 I mean,those haircuts, those uniforms. Who cares? 1314 01:28:38,752 --> 01:28:41,585 Mom,don't talk about things you don't know about. 1315 01:28:41,821 --> 01:28:44,483 Don't patronize your mother. She's amazingly intelligent. 1316 01:28:44,758 --> 01:28:46,089 I think homosexuality-- 1317 01:28:46,159 --> 01:28:47,558 A lot more ice for you! 1318 01:28:47,627 --> 01:28:48,924 More for me,Dad. 1319 01:28:48,995 --> 01:28:50,986 is weakening this country. 1320 01:28:51,331 --> 01:28:55,995 That's what I thought until I found out Alexander the Great was a fag. 1321 01:28:56,269 --> 01:28:58,100 Talk about gays in the military! 1322 01:28:58,338 --> 01:29:00,499 How about those Dolphins? 1323 01:29:04,844 --> 01:29:06,004 I'll get it. 1324 01:29:11,184 --> 01:29:13,675 I think we're skirting an issue here... 1325 01:29:13,953 --> 01:29:15,944 that has Mr. Coleman very nervous. 1326 01:29:16,022 --> 01:29:17,853 And I don't blame him. 1327 01:29:19,192 --> 01:29:22,355 You must have heard about how Senator Jackson died. 1328 01:29:24,030 --> 01:29:25,861 Oh,that. 1329 01:29:26,533 --> 01:29:29,366 Yes,what an ugly story. 1330 01:29:30,036 --> 01:29:32,527 Of course,we don't believe a word of it. 1331 01:29:32,972 --> 01:29:33,961 What do you mean? 1332 01:29:34,207 --> 01:29:35,868 He was obviously framed. 1333 01:29:36,209 --> 01:29:38,541 I,for one, would like an autopsy. 1334 01:29:38,812 --> 01:29:39,972 Uh,Mom... 1335 01:29:41,047 --> 01:29:43,311 That's just what Rush Limbaugh said. 1336 01:29:45,885 --> 01:29:47,045 Excuse me. 1337 01:29:51,825 --> 01:29:55,886 The tension. It's like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable. 1338 01:29:56,162 --> 01:29:59,063 Dinner is going to be late,okay? 1339 01:29:59,399 --> 01:30:02,562 'Cause you give me so little time to shop. 1340 01:30:02,769 --> 01:30:04,600 The girl is nice. 1341 01:30:05,071 --> 01:30:07,835 I owe it to Val. Growing up the way he did,it can't have been easy. 1342 01:30:07,907 --> 01:30:11,502 I'm sorry to laugh at Miss Albert, but what is that hairdo? 1343 01:30:11,745 --> 01:30:15,408 Fuck it! It's one night. I can live through it. 1344 01:30:17,016 --> 01:30:20,247 Of course,it's wrong to kill an abortion doctor. 1345 01:30:20,720 --> 01:30:22,278 -Many pro-lifers... -Dad? 1346 01:30:22,355 --> 01:30:25,051 I don't agree with them, but many sincerely feel... 1347 01:30:25,125 --> 01:30:26,615 I'm here,son. 1348 01:30:26,693 --> 01:30:29,025 stop the doctors, you stop the abortions. 1349 01:30:29,262 --> 01:30:32,754 That's ridiculous. The doctors are only doing their jobs. 1350 01:30:33,032 --> 01:30:36,092 Better to kill the mothers. That will stop them. 1351 01:30:36,770 --> 01:30:38,431 May I see you a moment,dear? 1352 01:30:38,705 --> 01:30:42,766 I know,I know. If you kill the mother,the fetus dies too. 1353 01:30:43,042 --> 01:30:47,035 But the fetus is going to be aborted, so let it go down with the ship. 1354 01:30:47,280 --> 01:30:49,441 I really must see you now. 1355 01:30:51,117 --> 01:30:52,448 Excuse me. 1356 01:30:59,459 --> 01:31:01,290 I assure you... 1357 01:31:01,628 --> 01:31:05,120 Mother is just following a train of thought to a logical... 1358 01:31:05,398 --> 01:31:07,127 yet absurd,conclusion. 1359 01:31:07,233 --> 01:31:09,224 Very much the way Jonathan Swift did... 1360 01:31:09,302 --> 01:31:12,396 when he suggested that Irish peasants feed their babies to the rich. 1361 01:31:13,640 --> 01:31:16,302 Well,I know one thing about your mother. 1362 01:31:16,576 --> 01:31:20,569 She's a passionate woman who follows her heart. And I love her. 1363 01:31:23,149 --> 01:31:25,140 So Goldman owns the club... 1364 01:31:25,485 --> 01:31:28,977 lives above it, owns the building,and he's gay. 1365 01:31:30,490 --> 01:31:32,822 We are in 'Inquirer' heaven. 1366 01:31:36,162 --> 01:31:38,824 I could have danced all night 1367 01:31:39,165 --> 01:31:42,157 I could have danced all night 1368 01:31:42,502 --> 01:31:47,166 And still have begged for more 1369 01:31:47,774 --> 01:31:49,105 You have a beautiful voice. 1370 01:31:49,342 --> 01:31:51,833 I could have spread my wings 1371 01:31:52,178 --> 01:31:55,011 And done a thousand things 1372 01:31:55,348 --> 01:31:59,842 I've never done before 1373 01:32:00,453 --> 01:32:03,354 Your mother should know I want a career and marriage. 1374 01:32:03,623 --> 01:32:06,786 Barbara,Albert isn't my mother. He's a drag queen. 1375 01:32:07,026 --> 01:32:10,359 That's right. I keep forgetting. 1376 01:32:10,697 --> 01:32:13,689 He just sounds so much like a mother. 1377 01:32:14,200 --> 01:32:18,603 I only know when he 1378 01:32:18,671 --> 01:32:21,970 Began to dance with me 1379 01:32:22,041 --> 01:32:26,375 I could have danced,danced,danced 1380 01:32:27,046 --> 01:32:29,378 All night 1381 01:32:35,121 --> 01:32:36,281 Bravo! 1382 01:32:40,226 --> 01:32:43,218 What a lovely voice you have, Agador Spartacus. 1383 01:32:43,563 --> 01:32:48,057 Thank you. Thank you,all. Dinner is served. 1384 01:32:48,902 --> 01:32:53,896 Wonderful. This way,Senator. You know,I played Eliza in high school. 1385 01:32:54,240 --> 01:32:55,832 I'll bet you were lovely. 1386 01:32:58,912 --> 01:33:02,245 Go inside. I'll tape a note to Katharine to the door. 1387 01:33:02,916 --> 01:33:06,249 Mrs. Keeley over there, and the senator on my right. 1388 01:33:06,519 --> 01:33:10,011 Val over here. And Barbara,dear,please sit. 1389 01:33:10,256 --> 01:33:12,121 You are the most gracious hostess. 1390 01:33:12,191 --> 01:33:14,421 Oh,thank you so much. 1391 01:33:14,761 --> 01:33:17,252 I'm having such a wonderful time. 1392 01:33:17,597 --> 01:33:19,929 This is what I've always dreamed of... 1393 01:33:20,266 --> 01:33:24,100 a big,loving family gathered around the table... 1394 01:33:24,437 --> 01:33:26,200 the way it was when I was a girl. 1395 01:33:26,439 --> 01:33:28,600 That's the way we grew up too. 1396 01:33:28,942 --> 01:33:33,572 It was a wonderful world then, wasn't it? Happy families and... 1397 01:33:33,646 --> 01:33:37,275 everyone speaking English and no drugs and no AIDS. 1398 01:33:37,550 --> 01:33:38,539 Easy on the wine,Mom. 1399 01:33:38,785 --> 01:33:40,548 What interesting china! 1400 01:33:41,287 --> 01:33:44,279 It looks like young men playing leapfrog. 1401 01:33:44,624 --> 01:33:46,114 Is it Greek? 1402 01:33:49,128 --> 01:33:51,119 I-- I... 1403 01:33:51,464 --> 01:33:53,056 I have no idea. 1404 01:33:53,466 --> 01:33:55,457 I've never seen these bowls before. 1405 01:33:55,735 --> 01:33:58,795 Really? Barbara,get me my glasses,dear. 1406 01:33:59,072 --> 01:34:01,063 They're in my purse by the chair. 1407 01:34:01,307 --> 01:34:03,969 Where are my glasses? It is Greek. 1408 01:34:04,811 --> 01:34:09,009 Greek boys,actually. Uh,naked Greek boys. 1409 01:34:09,082 --> 01:34:12,017 And girls! Doesn't your bowl have girls? 1410 01:34:12,485 --> 01:34:15,420 -I have one. -So do I! Oh,look! 1411 01:34:15,822 --> 01:34:18,313 There. I think that's a girl. 1412 01:34:18,758 --> 01:34:22,091 Then you haven't seen one in a long time. That's a boy. 1413 01:34:22,328 --> 01:34:25,161 I may need glasses, but I can see that. 1414 01:34:25,832 --> 01:34:29,268 I couldn't find your glasses. Maybe they're in the car. 1415 01:34:29,502 --> 01:34:31,493 I have mine. Here. 1416 01:34:33,606 --> 01:34:36,268 Hurry,you idiot! They're looking at the bowls. 1417 01:34:36,342 --> 01:34:39,106 What kind of moron puts out bowls without looking at them! 1418 01:34:39,178 --> 01:34:41,510 Stop ladling! Give me the pot! 1419 01:34:41,781 --> 01:34:43,442 -You can't serve out of that! -Move! 1420 01:34:43,683 --> 01:34:45,776 Wait! There's shrimps. 1421 01:34:46,185 --> 01:34:47,516 Let's see what they're doing. 1422 01:34:48,688 --> 01:34:49,848 Here we go. 1423 01:34:51,190 --> 01:34:56,184 Agador's superb soup. We're in luck. He doesn't make this for everyone. 1424 01:34:56,529 --> 01:34:59,862 This is his specialty, seafood chowder. 1425 01:35:00,199 --> 01:35:02,531 Isn't that an egg? 1426 01:35:02,869 --> 01:35:05,702 Why,yes,it is. It is a huevo. 1427 01:35:06,039 --> 01:35:08,371 This is so Guatemala. 1428 01:35:08,708 --> 01:35:11,541 They put eggs in everything down there... 1429 01:35:11,811 --> 01:35:14,974 because chicken is so important to them. 1430 01:35:15,214 --> 01:35:17,876 It's their only real currency. 1431 01:35:18,217 --> 01:35:21,152 A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens. 1432 01:35:21,387 --> 01:35:25,050 A man's wealth is measured by the size of his cock. 1433 01:35:25,391 --> 01:35:27,052 Will you excuse me? 1434 01:35:30,830 --> 01:35:31,990 What the hell is this? 1435 01:35:32,231 --> 01:35:35,997 Sweet-and-sour peasant soup. Why'd you say it was seafood chowder? 1436 01:35:36,235 --> 01:35:39,727 -What the hell is that? -I don't know. I made it up! 1437 01:35:40,006 --> 01:35:41,837 God,this is a nightmare. 1438 01:35:53,920 --> 01:35:56,252 Where are you staying in Florida? 1439 01:35:56,923 --> 01:36:00,256 With the Jeb Bushes, on Fisher Island. 1440 01:36:00,526 --> 01:36:04,018 Fisher Island. Such a lovely spot. 1441 01:36:04,197 --> 01:36:08,361 My parents lived on Fisher Island until they died. 1442 01:36:09,435 --> 01:36:12,268 I thought you were visiting your parents in Palm Beach. 1443 01:36:13,106 --> 01:36:14,095 What? 1444 01:36:16,442 --> 01:36:18,933 Yes,uh... now... 1445 01:36:19,779 --> 01:36:21,440 that they're dead. 1446 01:36:21,781 --> 01:36:23,271 They moved... 1447 01:36:23,783 --> 01:36:26,616 were moved... because... 1448 01:36:28,955 --> 01:36:30,286 well... 1449 01:36:30,790 --> 01:36:34,453 my mother always said, 'Live on Fisher Island... 1450 01:36:34,727 --> 01:36:36,718 get buried in Palm Beach... 1451 01:36:36,963 --> 01:36:40,296 that way you'll have the best of Florida.' 1452 01:36:41,801 --> 01:36:45,134 Dad,get in there. Everything is going to hell. 1453 01:36:45,471 --> 01:36:47,462 He didn't make an entree. 1454 01:36:47,807 --> 01:36:50,640 What? You mean we just have soup? 1455 01:36:51,144 --> 01:36:54,079 Peasant soup is an entree. It's like stew! 1456 01:36:54,147 --> 01:36:55,978 Why do you think I put so much in it? 1457 01:36:56,048 --> 01:36:57,481 Shut up! 1458 01:36:57,750 --> 01:37:00,412 Put Katharine's note on the downstairs door. 1459 01:37:00,586 --> 01:37:03,316 I have to go back before they get to the bottom of the bowls. 1460 01:37:03,589 --> 01:37:06,922 I had so much to do. You give me no time to shop! 1461 01:37:07,160 --> 01:37:08,320 Shut up! 1462 01:37:08,661 --> 01:37:10,993 It's okay! We're all right! 1463 01:37:11,264 --> 01:37:14,256 Shut up,goddamn you! Stop crying! Goddamn you! 1464 01:37:14,500 --> 01:37:17,833 Don't just stand there! She'll be here any minute! Go! 1465 01:37:18,104 --> 01:37:20,334 Goddamn it! Fuck the shrimp! 1466 01:37:25,044 --> 01:37:26,375 Oh,my God. 1467 01:37:27,547 --> 01:37:30,380 That's it. That's it. That's the Lincoln. 1468 01:37:30,650 --> 01:37:32,811 Park here. The street's jammed. 1469 01:37:33,052 --> 01:37:34,383 This is an intersection. 1470 01:37:34,654 --> 01:37:36,485 So? We're the press. 1471 01:37:48,067 --> 01:37:52,333 'Katharine,do not go upstairs. I'll call you tomorrow. Armand.' 1472 01:37:53,339 --> 01:37:55,000 This is going to be great. 1473 01:37:56,075 --> 01:38:00,409 From that day on,they looked for a cemetery they really loved... 1474 01:38:00,680 --> 01:38:02,170 instead of eating tofu. 1475 01:38:02,415 --> 01:38:05,077 Daddy favored Key Biscayne,but-- 1476 01:38:05,351 --> 01:38:07,512 Time for dessert. You get everything done? 1477 01:38:08,588 --> 01:38:11,580 Shall we have our coffee in the living room? 1478 01:38:15,761 --> 01:38:19,424 No,it's his town car. I am looking at it. 1479 01:38:20,099 --> 01:38:24,092 We're in the middle of a bunch of drag clubs. I don't know. 1480 01:38:24,937 --> 01:38:26,598 We got authorization. 1481 01:38:26,939 --> 01:38:28,270 So,three? 1482 01:38:30,877 --> 01:38:32,208 So,where are they? 1483 01:38:32,445 --> 01:38:34,538 They went around the corner,there. 1484 01:38:43,055 --> 01:38:45,717 So what do you think of these kids getting married? 1485 01:38:45,958 --> 01:38:50,793 Well,she's only eighteen, and he's only twenty,so I-- 1486 01:38:52,064 --> 01:38:55,227 Good God. That sounds like it's coming from downstairs. 1487 01:38:55,468 --> 01:38:58,960 It must be coming from that nightclub around the corner. 1488 01:38:59,238 --> 01:39:01,138 This must be the same building. 1489 01:39:01,807 --> 01:39:06,141 You're joking! I always thought that was someone's television set. 1490 01:39:06,412 --> 01:39:09,575 Now,Mother,you know we live above a nightclub. 1491 01:39:09,982 --> 01:39:12,815 She's traveled around the world, but deep down... 1492 01:39:13,085 --> 01:39:15,485 she's still a girl from Grover's Corners. 1493 01:39:15,755 --> 01:39:19,088 I'm afraid I am a bit naive. 1494 01:39:19,492 --> 01:39:21,926 Don't be ashamed of Grover's Corners. 1495 01:39:22,428 --> 01:39:26,262 It's not a chateau, but it's a darn good place to call home. 1496 01:39:26,666 --> 01:39:30,158 Thank you. I will remember that. 1497 01:39:30,503 --> 01:39:35,167 Of course,Armand is much more sophisticated than I am. 1498 01:39:35,508 --> 01:39:40,002 But then, he comes from such good stock. 1499 01:39:40,346 --> 01:39:43,338 Just like these two adorable youngsters. 1500 01:39:43,683 --> 01:39:45,514 Don't you agree? 1501 01:39:46,018 --> 01:39:48,350 -Where's the bathroom? -I'll show you. 1502 01:39:48,688 --> 01:39:52,522 -No,I want Mother Coleman to show me. -My dear child! 1503 01:39:52,792 --> 01:39:54,123 One kiss,darling. 1504 01:39:54,360 --> 01:39:56,794 -I'm only going to the bathroom. -We'll all go. 1505 01:39:57,029 --> 01:39:58,860 I think you're all crazy. 1506 01:39:59,131 --> 01:40:00,962 My men! 1507 01:40:01,200 --> 01:40:03,862 Isn't this wonderful? All of us together. 1508 01:40:04,203 --> 01:40:07,866 This is so moving. I think I'm going to cry! 1509 01:40:08,541 --> 01:40:11,704 Something very strange is going on. 1510 01:40:12,378 --> 01:40:13,538 I know. 1511 01:40:13,879 --> 01:40:15,369 I mean,that dinner. 1512 01:40:16,382 --> 01:40:19,374 I know there was something on those bowls. 1513 01:40:19,719 --> 01:40:22,711 And the son disappearing while we were eating. 1514 01:40:22,989 --> 01:40:25,480 -I know just what's going on. -You do? 1515 01:40:25,558 --> 01:40:27,492 It's the oldest story in the world. 1516 01:40:27,727 --> 01:40:29,058 What is it? 1517 01:40:31,897 --> 01:40:34,058 She's a small town girl... 1518 01:40:35,568 --> 01:40:39,561 and he's a pretentious European-- the worst kind. 1519 01:40:39,905 --> 01:40:41,998 Him and his Cole d' whatever. 1520 01:40:42,241 --> 01:40:45,233 And his decadent china. I've seen it all before. 1521 01:40:45,578 --> 01:40:47,910 Aristotle Onassis was like this. 1522 01:40:48,247 --> 01:40:51,739 And all of the French, especially Mitterand. 1523 01:40:51,917 --> 01:40:54,750 And the English. Not Margaret Thatcher,of course. 1524 01:40:55,021 --> 01:40:59,014 But I bet John Major has something on the side. And she can't handle it. 1525 01:40:59,191 --> 01:41:00,852 -Who? -Mrs. Coleman. 1526 01:41:01,093 --> 01:41:03,254 Why should she care about John Major? 1527 01:41:03,596 --> 01:41:06,588 No. Mrs. Coleman can't handle him. 1528 01:41:06,932 --> 01:41:10,265 Coleman and his nasty little European traditions. 1529 01:41:11,270 --> 01:41:15,036 And his snobbery. And that dig about Grover's Corners. 1530 01:41:15,274 --> 01:41:16,935 Kevin,you're rambling. 1531 01:41:17,209 --> 01:41:21,202 Well,it makes me furious. The contempt he has for her. 1532 01:41:21,447 --> 01:41:25,281 Did you see him when she talked? He looked almost frightened. 1533 01:41:25,618 --> 01:41:29,952 He won't let her run the house. He's in the kitchen. He serves. 1534 01:41:30,222 --> 01:41:32,782 He tells that beige savage what to do. 1535 01:41:38,297 --> 01:41:39,457 What? 1536 01:41:40,132 --> 01:41:43,795 I'm so sorry. I've ruined everything! 1537 01:41:44,136 --> 01:41:47,902 Don't be silly. No one noticed the wig. Where's the spirit gum? 1538 01:41:48,140 --> 01:41:49,630 They took everything away. 1539 01:41:49,909 --> 01:41:53,640 I have a barrette. If you don't move your head,it might work. 1540 01:41:53,913 --> 01:41:56,575 Thank you. You're a very sweet girl. 1541 01:41:57,316 --> 01:41:59,477 I'm so sorry,Val. 1542 01:42:00,152 --> 01:42:03,986 You didn't have this kind of sympathy for poor Bessie Jackson! 1543 01:42:04,056 --> 01:42:06,752 Bessie Jackson is an insensitive cow. 1544 01:42:06,992 --> 01:42:10,655 This woman is a lady. You know,she'll be your in-law too. 1545 01:42:10,930 --> 01:42:15,594 If he's so terrible,maybe your daughter shouldn't marry his son! 1546 01:42:15,835 --> 01:42:20,329 He's not terrible in that way. He won't get mixed up in some scandal. 1547 01:42:20,606 --> 01:42:23,006 I've never really seen you before. 1548 01:42:23,843 --> 01:42:26,004 I don't even know who you are! 1549 01:42:26,345 --> 01:42:30,008 You're not worried about Barbara. You only think of your career. 1550 01:42:30,282 --> 01:42:32,614 And poor little Mrs. Coleman! 1551 01:42:32,852 --> 01:42:37,346 You're as worried about my career as I am. You pushed for the marriage. 1552 01:42:37,623 --> 01:42:41,787 Barbara can handle that boy. She's modern,tough as nails. 1553 01:42:42,027 --> 01:42:46,361 Poor Mrs. Coleman cries if you call her 'Mother.' She's that vulnerable. 1554 01:42:46,699 --> 01:42:50,191 It breaks my heart. They don't make women like that anymore. 1555 01:42:52,872 --> 01:42:55,033 Hello! I'm home! 1556 01:42:55,541 --> 01:42:56,872 I forgot my key. 1557 01:42:57,143 --> 01:42:58,041 Who is it? 1558 01:42:58,377 --> 01:43:00,208 Val's mother,Mrs. Goldman. 1559 01:43:00,813 --> 01:43:02,474 Is Armand there? 1560 01:43:04,216 --> 01:43:05,376 Val's mother? 1561 01:43:05,718 --> 01:43:07,049 Mrs. Goldman? 1562 01:43:08,721 --> 01:43:12,555 So this is the whole story. The bastard has a live-in mistress. 1563 01:43:12,892 --> 01:43:14,553 I'll get the door. 1564 01:43:14,894 --> 01:43:17,055 No,you're in the wrong house! 1565 01:43:17,563 --> 01:43:22,557 Good evening. May I take your purse, as usual? Or... 1566 01:43:23,402 --> 01:43:25,233 for the first time. 1567 01:43:26,238 --> 01:43:28,729 You must be Senator and Mrs. Keeley. 1568 01:43:29,074 --> 01:43:33,170 Katharine Goldman. Delighted to meet you. I'm sorry I'm so late-- 1569 01:43:33,412 --> 01:43:37,746 Sorry to take so long,but Barbara-- What is she doing here? 1570 01:43:38,083 --> 01:43:39,072 Let me explain. 1571 01:43:39,351 --> 01:43:41,683 Please do. Explain to all of us. 1572 01:43:41,921 --> 01:43:44,412 I don't want to embarrass this lovely lady... 1573 01:43:44,690 --> 01:43:47,181 but how many mothers does Val have? 1574 01:43:48,694 --> 01:43:50,685 This woman introduced herself... 1575 01:43:50,930 --> 01:43:54,764 as Val's mother. How many mothers does he have? 1576 01:43:58,771 --> 01:44:00,102 Just one. 1577 01:44:04,610 --> 01:44:06,100 This is my mother. 1578 01:44:07,446 --> 01:44:10,938 My father owns the club downstairs. My mother is the star. 1579 01:44:12,151 --> 01:44:13,618 What? 1580 01:44:14,453 --> 01:44:18,446 We lied to you,Barbara and I. And everyone lied for us. 1581 01:44:19,124 --> 01:44:20,716 These are my parents. 1582 01:44:22,294 --> 01:44:24,125 This is my wife. 1583 01:44:24,964 --> 01:44:27,455 This is the lady who had Val. 1584 01:44:27,900 --> 01:44:29,561 Nice to meet you,Katharine. 1585 01:44:30,636 --> 01:44:32,069 Very nice,Val. 1586 01:44:32,805 --> 01:44:34,466 You've done a good job. 1587 01:44:34,974 --> 01:44:37,636 Thank you. We're very proud of him. 1588 01:44:37,977 --> 01:44:39,308 I don't understand. 1589 01:44:39,645 --> 01:44:43,979 Barbara,the nightclub downstairs, he owns it? 1590 01:44:46,085 --> 01:44:47,916 He's not a cultural attach谷? 1591 01:44:49,989 --> 01:44:53,823 No. And he isn't married to a housewife. 1592 01:44:54,159 --> 01:44:57,151 And their name is Goldman, not Coleman. 1593 01:44:57,663 --> 01:44:59,153 They're Jewish. 1594 01:44:59,665 --> 01:45:01,155 I don't understand. 1595 01:45:02,501 --> 01:45:05,163 He's a man. They're both men. 1596 01:45:05,437 --> 01:45:07,428 No. You can't be Jewish. 1597 01:45:07,673 --> 01:45:09,504 No,Kevin,Kevin,Kevin. 1598 01:45:10,009 --> 01:45:12,842 Kevin,this is a man. 1599 01:45:14,179 --> 01:45:15,168 What? 1600 01:45:15,681 --> 01:45:17,842 Don't you see? They're gay. 1601 01:45:18,183 --> 01:45:21,675 They own the drag club downstairs. They're two men. 1602 01:45:25,624 --> 01:45:26,955 Senator Keeley... 1603 01:45:27,693 --> 01:45:32,630 this may not help,but I want you to know I meant every word I said... 1604 01:45:32,865 --> 01:45:37,529 about a return to family values and a stricter moral code. 1605 01:45:37,870 --> 01:45:39,303 I feel like I'm insane. 1606 01:45:39,538 --> 01:45:41,199 It's really very simple. 1607 01:45:41,473 --> 01:45:43,304 She called you Mother Coleman. 1608 01:45:43,542 --> 01:45:47,034 Kevin,nothing has changed. It's still me. 1609 01:45:47,379 --> 01:45:50,212 With one tiny difference. 1610 01:45:51,717 --> 01:45:53,548 Well,not tiny. 1611 01:45:58,724 --> 01:46:00,055 I don't understand. 1612 01:46:00,392 --> 01:46:04,055 I'll explain in the car. Come on,Barbara. Let's go. 1613 01:46:04,396 --> 01:46:06,387 I'm not coming. 1614 01:46:07,232 --> 01:46:10,395 Barbara,please don't do this to me. 1615 01:46:10,903 --> 01:46:15,067 I may not be as vulnerable as Mrs. Coleman... 1616 01:46:15,574 --> 01:46:17,735 but I still have feelings. 1617 01:46:18,410 --> 01:46:21,402 Somebody has to like me best. 1618 01:46:24,083 --> 01:46:28,577 Take it easy,Louise. Barbara,we're leaving now. 1619 01:46:29,922 --> 01:46:32,584 -You're coming with us. -Daddy,please. 1620 01:46:33,759 --> 01:46:37,092 I've made your mother cry. I'm up for reelection. 1621 01:46:37,296 --> 01:46:38,957 We're in the middle of a scandal. 1622 01:46:39,031 --> 01:46:42,523 I'm in the home of a gay couple who own a drag club. 1623 01:46:42,601 --> 01:46:46,594 You want to get married,but how many lives must you ruin to do it? 1624 01:46:55,614 --> 01:46:56,774 I... 1625 01:46:57,282 --> 01:47:00,217 I would have liked to have had you as my family. 1626 01:47:06,625 --> 01:47:10,288 I just want to say, Mr. and Mrs.,uh,Mr... 1627 01:47:10,963 --> 01:47:15,297 whatever your name is, I hope this doesn't influence your vote. 1628 01:47:17,970 --> 01:47:19,460 Senator Keeley! 1629 01:47:21,707 --> 01:47:23,038 Oh,no. 1630 01:47:23,942 --> 01:47:25,432 Did you get him? 1631 01:47:25,511 --> 01:47:27,502 No,I would have if you hadn't said his name. 1632 01:47:27,579 --> 01:47:29,570 I wanted to make him turn. 1633 01:47:39,158 --> 01:47:40,819 Those vultures. 1634 01:47:42,995 --> 01:47:47,659 Another television van just arrived. And a car. It says 'Florida Eagle.' 1635 01:47:48,000 --> 01:47:49,991 Oh,that's just print news. 1636 01:47:50,135 --> 01:47:51,966 It'll have a great headline: 1637 01:47:52,037 --> 01:47:55,871 'Senator Jackson and His Women; Senator Keeley and His Men' 1638 01:47:55,941 --> 01:47:57,772 It's perfectly innocent. 1639 01:47:57,843 --> 01:48:02,109 You came to meet the parents of the boy Barbara wants to marry. 1640 01:48:02,347 --> 01:48:05,839 Louise,people in this country don't care about details. 1641 01:48:06,118 --> 01:48:08,450 All they trust are headlines. 1642 01:48:08,687 --> 01:48:13,522 But what do they have? It's their word against yours that you're even here. 1643 01:48:13,859 --> 01:48:17,192 Yes,but at some point, I'll have to leave. 1644 01:48:17,463 --> 01:48:19,795 People will notice if I'm never seen again. 1645 01:48:20,032 --> 01:48:23,627 Another television crew. And they're going into the club! 1646 01:48:23,869 --> 01:48:27,532 Wouldn't you know it? The one night I don't perform. 1647 01:48:27,873 --> 01:48:29,534 Can I get anyone some soup? 1648 01:48:30,042 --> 01:48:31,373 No. 1649 01:48:32,878 --> 01:48:34,368 Daddy,I'm sorry. 1650 01:48:34,646 --> 01:48:35,635 I know. 1651 01:48:35,881 --> 01:48:37,212 Senator? 1652 01:48:38,383 --> 01:48:40,044 Another shot for you? 1653 01:48:40,319 --> 01:48:41,650 I don't really drink. 1654 01:48:41,887 --> 01:48:45,050 Yeah,but... now is the time to pretend. 1655 01:48:47,059 --> 01:48:48,890 Give me some candy,Louise. 1656 01:48:49,728 --> 01:48:52,891 Couldn't the Keeleys slip out at the end of the show? 1657 01:48:53,165 --> 01:48:56,066 No,they're waiting for that. They'd be recognized. 1658 01:48:59,071 --> 01:49:01,062 Not necessarily. 1659 01:49:29,434 --> 01:49:31,425 A big hand for our girls. 1660 01:49:31,703 --> 01:49:36,436 As we come to the end of our show, you are family,too,so sing along. 1661 01:49:36,942 --> 01:49:39,274 We are family 1662 01:49:40,779 --> 01:49:43,441 I got all my sisters with me 1663 01:49:44,783 --> 01:49:47,115 We are family 1664 01:49:48,787 --> 01:49:51,449 Get up,everybody,and sing 1665 01:50:45,844 --> 01:50:47,334 Will they keep waiting? 1666 01:50:47,613 --> 01:50:51,515 They have to. There's no story if they don't get him coming out. 1667 01:50:52,017 --> 01:50:54,679 Get up,everybody,and sing 1668 01:51:12,037 --> 01:51:14,369 We are family 1669 01:51:16,041 --> 01:51:18,703 I got all my sisters with me 1670 01:51:20,045 --> 01:51:22,377 We are family 1671 01:51:24,049 --> 01:51:26,711 Get up,everybody,and sing 1672 01:51:36,395 --> 01:51:38,727 We are family 1673 01:51:44,403 --> 01:51:48,396 Work it. Sell it. Own it. Go,girlfriend. 1674 01:51:51,743 --> 01:51:52,732 Come on. 1675 01:52:00,085 --> 01:52:02,417 We are family 1676 01:52:08,093 --> 01:52:10,425 We are family 1677 01:52:19,604 --> 01:52:22,266 I've never danced with a man before. 1678 01:52:23,275 --> 01:52:25,266 There's always a first time. 1679 01:52:26,778 --> 01:52:28,109 Perd?name. 1680 01:52:30,415 --> 01:52:32,406 No one will dance with me. 1681 01:52:32,484 --> 01:52:35,544 It's this dress. I knew white would make me look fat. 1682 01:52:35,620 --> 01:52:38,453 What about me? I'm as pretty as these other guys. 1683 01:52:38,724 --> 01:52:39,713 Dance? 1684 01:52:40,025 --> 01:52:41,515 Not you. Barbara. 1685 01:52:41,560 --> 01:52:44,893 Don't go. I don't want to be the only girl not dancing. 1686 01:52:45,130 --> 01:52:48,463 Just head for the door. We'll be out of here soon. 1687 01:52:49,968 --> 01:52:52,630 Care to dance,baby? 1688 01:53:48,193 --> 01:53:51,856 Meet me in 20 minutes at the corner of EI Dorado and Palm. 1689 01:53:52,197 --> 01:53:55,189 Lady,not for a million dollars. 1690 01:55:00,765 --> 01:55:03,598 Bob Dole is gorgeous! 1691 01:55:11,443 --> 01:55:13,604 Which one is the mother? 1692 01:55:16,281 --> 01:55:18,112 I just don't know. 1693 01:55:19,451 --> 01:55:20,782 Mazel tov. 1694 01:55:21,119 --> 01:55:24,054 As a sign of your union, you may kiss the bride. 1695 01:55:33,465 --> 01:55:35,126 I'm sorry.